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about getting help.”
    “I promise, one day I will.”
    I got up and helped Vanessa in the kitchen. I decided to scrub her floors and counters. I noticed that she was just staring at me. “Sorry. When I take the pills, they make me hyper and I feel the urge to clean.”
    “Okay. Well, I am going to go read if that’s okay.”
    “Yep. It’s cool.”
    I ended up cleaning her bathroom as well. Mitch came over and we decided to go for a walk.
    “Hey, girl. So how’s it going?”
    “Going great. I got a job.”
    “I heard. Hey, listen: I brought you out here for a reason. Tony wants me to stop using. So I am going to get help and stop.”
    “What? What about me?”
    He stopped and looked at me. “Toria, I want you to get help also.”
    “I don’t want help. I just want the pills.”
    “Well, you won’t be getting them from me.”
    I could feel the tears forming in my eyes and the panic rose in my chest. “What am I going to do?”
    “Get help, or you will lose everything. Including me.”
    “Why are doing this to me?”
    “Tony and I are in love and he wants me healthy. I know it will be rough, but I need this.”
    “So you are just going to abandon me?”
    He took my hand. “No, but we can’t live like this. It’s time for us to get better and move on. Just think about this, think about your life. Do you really want to pop pills for the rest of your life?”
    “I don’t know. Yes. No. Maybe.”
    “Well, until you decide, I need a break from you so I can get better.”
    I watched him walk away. What am I going to do now? How will I survive without Mitch? Better yet how will I survive without the drugs? I didn’t have some for three days once and I thought I was dying. It felt as if I couldn’t move. I can’t. No, I won’t go through that again. I will just have to find a dealer myself. I held my head high and walked back toward the house. When I got back, I noticed that Tony’s car was gone.
    “Hey girl, I thought I was going to have to come find you.”
    I laughed and went to sit on the couch. “So what do you want to do?”
    “Well, I have to work tomorrow night and there is a little dance club downtown.” Vanessa looked at her watch. “And if we get ready now we can go there for dinner and dancing.”
    I got really excited.
    “Oh wow, really? I would love that.”
    We got up and went to her closet. She found a black velvet dress for me to wear. It was just above my knees, and she let me borrow a pair of red heels to go with it. I went to fix up my hair and make-up, and we were out the door within an hour. In the car, I listened to her sing. It took about thirty minutes to arrive at our destination. I looked over at the two story building called The Grinding. People were dressed up—some looked like sluts, but I told myself not to judge. We got out and walked toward the door. I stopped.
    “What’s up?”
    “I don’t have an ID, and I am not twenty-one.”
    “Oh, they will let you in. Just act cool and they will wave you in. I come here a lot with Tony, so they know me.”
    She was right; we got in with no problem at all. Once in, I could see the people dancing to the music. Some were rubbing up on each other. It looked like they are going to have sex on the dance floor. We found a table in the corner and we went to sit.
    “Are you hungry?”
    My stomach growled. I was not used to eating more than once a day. “Actually, I am.”
    “Good, order anything.”
    The pink haired waitress came over, and Vanessa ordered us both a cosmopolitan, and the waitress didn’t even check our IDs. I ordered a double Swiss and mushroom cheeseburger with some fries.
    “I guess you were hungry.”
    “My stomach was yelling at me. ‘Bitch, feed me!’”
    Vanessa laughed out loud.
    I smiled, glad I still had a sense of humor at least. “So do you have a boyfriend?”
    She shrugged and sighed. “No, I’m single. I work too many hours to have time for a personal life.”
    “Well, we are going to