Womenâs, mostly. Debbie Reynolds was a teenager when she made Singinâ in the Rain , for example. Look at this.â Frank stopped flipping pages to show me a photo of a gray horse. âThatâs Zephyr. He belonged to Uncle Julian. My grandmother said that while there was breath in her body Julian would never get behind the wheel of a car, so she got Zephyr to take him everywhere he needed to go. I wish I had a horse. Horses were native to the North American continent until the last Ice Age. The Spanish conquistadors reintroduced them and the Native Americans were glad. Until they got to know the downside of horses.â
âWhatâs the downside of horses?â
âThe Spanish conquistadors.â
âThatâs funny,â I said.
âWhatâs funny?â
âWhat you just said.â
âWhy?â
âI thought you were going to tell me something else about horses. I didnât see âthe Spanish conquistadorsâ coming.â
âNeither did the Native Americans.â
âGood point. Hey, want to hear a joke my boss in New York told me about a horse?â
âYes.â
âA horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, âHey, buddy, why the long face?ââ
When I didnât elaborate, Frank said, âThen what?â
âThen nothing. Thatâs the whole joke. âHey, buddy, why the long face?ââ
âI donât understand.â
âHorses have long faces.â I motioned with my hands to stretch my own face to a horsier length that ended someplace around my belly button. âGet it?â
âNo,â Frank said. âIf I had a horse, I would name him Tony.â
So much for jokes. âTony?â I asked politely.
âCowboy star Tom Mixâs horse was named Tony. His hoofprints are in the cement outside Mannâs Chinese Theatre. My grandparents fenced their yard and turned the garage into a stable for Uncle Julianâs horse. Then my grandmother wrecked her car into said fence. She was going fast and wasnât wearing a safety belt so she went through the windshield and died. Zephyr ran away through the broken place in the fence. They found him the next day standing in somebodyâs peony bed all the way across town.â Frank turned another page. âSince he was in a bed I imagine Zephyr asleep and wearing a flannel nightcap. Horses sleep standing up, did you know that? This is my uncle Julian.â He pointed to a photo of a young man in a pair of embroidered jeans and a bead necklace, no shirt, a cigarette tucked behind his ear, sitting on a fence I suspected of being said fence. He had a tooled leather bag strapped across his muscular chest and long blond hair with sideburns like people wore during the Summer of Love, plus an incandescently beautiful face a lot like Frankâs grandmotherâs, circa Elvis.
âWow,â I said. âHeâs a handsome guy.â
âWas. Heâs dead, too.â
âWhat happened to him?â
âHe fell out of a window when he was visiting my mother at college.â
âOh,â I said. Ohhh. âHow?â
Shrug. âI donât know. He got kicked out of the college he was going to for making all Fs. He was probably so busy thinking about how heâd tell his mother that he didnât notice the floor had ended. In my head it plays out kind of like Wile E. Coyote stepping off a cliff he hadnât seen coming. Do you want to see a picture of my motherâs father? Heâs dead, too, just so you know.â
He showed me a picture of a distinguished-looking young man in a military uniform. âMy grandfather was a doctor, also named Frank. Which is a nickname for Francis. My mother named me after my grandfather and my uncle because she says she has always had a hardtime coming up with names. Dr. Frank volunteered as a field surgeon in World War I before the United States entered that war, then