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you’re saying,” or something equivalent. But for now, just notice that you get the feeling that he or she is being dishonest, manipulative, or defensive.
    This isn’t the kind of person you want to spend much time with. Those are toxic behavior patterns that permeate all of that individual’s relationships.
    If the other person starts blaming you or is defensive, the conversation will go in an unproductive direction. Blaming is a key symptom of the ego’s fears about being exposed. As long as one or both of you are involved in blaming, nothing will get resolved.
    Toxic relationships will pull you down every time. You don’t need to have one when there are so many non toxic potential friends and partners available. Never believe you have to settle for an unhealthy relationship. You don’t.
    Boundaries
    A boundary is your limit, which no one can overstep or violate. No matter who the other person is or how much you love him or her, your boundary is something that he or she is not allowed to breach.
    For instance, I have boundaries in all of my relationships that dictate that you must treat me with respect. I, in turn, will treat you with respect. This is a non-negotiable boundary for me, and if anyone violates this and is disrespectful toward me, I will try to clear the energy by discussing my feelings and boundaries, and then listening to the other person. If he or she continues to be disrespectful toward me, the relationship is over, without any guilt on my part. I still love the person, but because of the behavior overstepping my firm boundary, I no longer have contact with him or her. Boundaries are a necessary part of self-care, just like washing your hair or wearing shoes to protect your feet. They are healthy, normal, and necessary.
    Every relationship has issues and negotiations about each person’s personal boundaries. So it’s not whether you have conflict, but how you deal with conflict that matters for a long-term relationship.
    Personal boundaries include how much . . .
. . . body space and distance from other people you need.
. . . time alone you prefer.
. . . affection and romance you require.
. . . you need to hear words of affection.
. . . you need your personal items to be left alone and untouched by others.
. . . importance you attach to honesty, reliability, and sobriety within the relationship.
. . . financial equality and fairness matter to you. [. . . and so forth.]
    Part of being an assertive Earth Angel is learning how to have the strength and the courage to maintain your boundaries. It can get exhausting when it feels like other people are trying to step all over them. It might wear you down, and you start to think, Does this really matter? Well, it does!
    Your inner self relies upon your outer self for caretaking. You might say that your inner self is like a little child you’re nurturing. That means that if it’s tired or needs to play, your outer self should honor this and not push your inner self beyond its limits.
    Even though the other person may be disappointed or even angry when you say no, believe me when I tell you that he or she does understand. Remember that the other person is human, too, and knows what limitations are like. Even if your refusal comes as a disappointment, deep down he or she will respect you for it!
    When you say no, you’re modeling healthy behavior for others. Part of the reason why they may react angrily toward you is because it’s never occurred to them that they could say no to unreasonable demands put upon their own time!
    So when you do something that people haven’t seen you do previously—like saying no—they may be surprised. They may take your refusal personally, and it’s okay for you to briefly explain that this isn’t anything personal and has to do with you maintaining clear boundaries with respect to your schedule.
    Don’t feel like you have to explain why you’re saying no,