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“I was so tired last night, I slam clicked.” Derived from the sound of the hotel door being shut and locked.
Crash pad
   Housing near the airport where about a million flight attendants (most often new hires or commuters) shack up together. Basically it’s a cheap place to sleep in the event you have an earlier departure or two trips back to back. You never know who you might find yourself in bed with. The other alternative is sleeping at the airport.
Pilot blocks
   A block that’s three miles long. You’ll make plans for dinner on your layover and the captain will suggest a restaurant and say that it’s only about a two-block walk, which translates to a six-mile walk.
Just a few moments
   A long time. A very long time.
Equipment change
   Broken aircraft.

Do You Have a Place to Stow My Cheesecake?
    I REALLY WANT TO EMPHASIZE the amount of psychological stress associated with being a flight attendant, especially a new hire. You don’t know the ropes yet, and you’ve probably just moved to a new city and live in some scummy apartment with four or five other stressed-out novice flight attendants. You’re on reserve and never know where the hell you’re going or when you’ll be back. Once you arrive at work you’ll be subjected to all sorts of bullshit. It starts the minute you walk in the door: Some big shot will be giving you the once-over. Is your hair right? Are you wearing your uniform properly? Frankly, I think it’s a big accomplishment if I can find my uniform. The supervisor may call you into the office and ask you about some outraged passenger on a flight three months ago, but you won’t be able to recall this incident because there have been hundreds of flights since then and they’ve all been full of outraged passengers!
    Then it is time to meet the crew. If you’re lucky you’ll be with a nice, fun, cooperative group of people. This is usually the case, but every now and again you end up with some real oddballs and, believe me, these freaks can make a simple two-day trip a living hell. Now it is time to board the plane. This is where things will most likely be screwed up. For example, there is usually a shortage of supplies—like food! Once you make this discovery, tell someone right away. If you delay because you want enough food so all the passengers can eat, you will be getting a call on your layover and someone is going to want to know why the flight left three seconds late. Never mind that you were missing twenty meals! I once heard of a crew that was so short on breakfasts (boxed cereal, wrapped bagel, and apples) that they didn’t have enough food to get past row twenty-two. So they fed the front half of the plane, then went through and collected the uneaten and unopened leftovers from the first twenty-two rows and then offered these leftovers to those passengers in rows twenty-two to twenty-eight. For psychological stress some people recommend therapy, but I recommend denial . It’s a lot cheaper and easier to schedule. I spent years of my career in denial and look at me, I lived to tell the tale!
    The next piece of advice I offer to the new hire is to develop the virtue of patience . If you don’t have this you are doomed! Forget about carrying a tin of shoe polish in your tote, you better have the patience of Job in your pocket, because it is going to be tested . . . daily. Let me start by saying that you’re going to say “hello,” “good-bye,” and “I’m sorry” to a hell of a lot of people in the course of a day, let alone the course of a career. You’ll be giving the safety demonstration sometimes five times a day (sometimes more), offering coffee hundreds of times a day, and in this global economy in which we are now living, you will be conversing or at least attempting to converse with people from all over the world. One of the greatest joys