nightdress. "It's not my fault Ames and you can hit out and
call me all of the names you want babe but I'm your brother and I'll be here no
matter what. It was a tragic accident and no one could've predicted what
happened to you but you can't blame yourself and certainly not the club for
what happened." The dam had now broken and the tears were streaming down
my cheeks but I didn't turn to look at him, I continued to take my time and
fasten the buttons at the front of my nightdress hoping that he would just
leave.
"Is this how it's gonna be from now on?" I remained quiet and thought
it best to let Ethan have his rant and then hopefully he'd get the hint that I
didn't want a conversation. "You can't sustain this mood or give me the
cold shoulder forever for that matter, eventually you'll have to face what's
happened and you'll need me."
I saw Ethan's clenched fists from the corner of my eye, he'd never hit me but
he was frustrated by my actions and I'd made him angry. He spun on his heels
and the sound of the door slamming made me jump as I wasn't expecting him to react
that way. I let out a loud sigh and quickly went about taking off the rest of
my clothing so that I could get into bed. You'd think I would be sick of the
sight of beds after my long stay in hospital but it gave me a good excuse to
avoid unwanted visitors as I could pretend to be asleep.
I snuggled under the duvet and pulled the cover so that it
was tightly tucked under my chin. Now that I was relaxed, I could feel the
aching pain in my tummy and regretted not taking any tablets before I got
comfortable.
I'd had plenty of time to reflect while in hospital, in fact I'd had ten days
worth of reflection but being back here among my home comforts brought back the
happy memories of Blake. We'd tried to alternate where we ended up each evening
we spent together, and although Ethan was aware of our casual relationship, we
didn't want to rub salt into the wounds and would only stay at mine if Ethan were
out for the night on club business or at Ambers.
I hadn't heard from Blake since I was rude to him at the hospital. At first I
thought he may try to make contact hoping that I may have calmed down over time
but after a couple of days Connor mentioned that he'd put in a transfer request
and had moved to Norfolk. I was initially shocked that Blake had gone without
saying goodbye but after the way I'd spoken to him I couldn't blame him. Deep
down I'd hoped that there was more to our relationship than just sex but I'd
obviously been wrong otherwise he would've fought for me.
My stomach tightened and the tension got worse as I contemplated all the what
ifs, I didn't have time to be sentimental though, I needed to concentrate on
getting better and planning what I was now going to do with my life. I needed a
focus, I felt that I needed to give back to the community somehow but at this
stage didn't know in what capacity.
Over the next couple of days, I ignored the pleas from
Ethan, Connor and Pearl to get up and go out to get some fresh air. I was happy
festering in my bedroom as it gave me time to think and reflect on the
situation further, I would only go out when I was feeling ready to face the world.
I had been contemplating going out but I had a desire to get dressed up and go
out on the pull. I didn't want to be in a relationship or even have a one night
stand, I just wanted to cover my scar and be desired again by a member of the
opposite sex, I didn't think that was too much to ask for.
"Can I buy you a drink?"
I glanced up from the table and tried to focus on the man leaning on the wall
in front of me. From what I could make out in my intoxicated state, he was of an
average height and looked to have sandy coloured hair under his backwards
baseball cap. I sniggered to myself as I lifted the glass to my lips and downed
the remaining liquid before pushing the empty glass across the table in the
man's direction.
He smiled and gave a cheeky wink, "I'm Chad and you