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was barking up the wrong tree. Or, rather, sniffing up the wrong tourist.
    As the 475-pound man waddled through customs, the dog began to pay him close attention, sniffing suspiciously at the man’s huge stomach. Annoyed, the man told the dog to “shoo.” No luck.
    The customs officer was a bit reluctant to approach the man, since he really didn’t fit the profile of a smuggler, and his personal effects had already been examined. But the dog was relentless. Over and over it pointed its nose toward the tourist and kept sniffing and whining and sniffing. It was almost as though the dog itself was puzzled.
    The officer finally conceded that something was awry.
    â€œI’m sorry, sir,” he told the rotund tourist. “I’m afraid you’re going to have to accompany me to a dressing room for a strip search.”
    It was a task that neither man was looking forward to. But it had to be done.
    Once inside the room, the tourist was ordered to disrobe, and a complete body search was initiated. It was then that a plastic bag containing eleven ounces of a white powdery substance was discovered—discreetly hidden amid the many folds of the man’s tremendous stomach!
    The substance proved to be cocaine.
    The drug dog was vindicated.

29
    Bare Truth
    I n a small town in Texas late on a Saturday afternoon, a small mom-and-pop store was robbed by a lone gunman. The prime suspect was quickly spotted. In fact, everybody in town spotted him. They didn’t even need a detailed description. The fleeing felon was running down the street completely naked.
    But Ted Jowers had a great alibi ready for the police officers who stopped him. “I like to get in touch with nature when I jog,” he told them.
    Somehow, though, Ted didn’t seem like the nature type—or the jogging type, for that matter. The officers brought him in.
    Ted finally broke down and confessed to the robbery. Then he explained to the police that he had stripped down to streak away after the robbery because he thought his clothes would make him more identifiable.
    Ah, the ironic naked truth of the dumb criminal plan.

30
    Love Thy Neighbor
    T he weary, disheveled woman tossed and turned in her bed. It was two in the morning, and the trucks at the nearby warehouse were grinding their gears, braking loudly, and making that maddening “Beep! Beep! Beep!” sound that a postal truck makes when in reverse gear.
    What is so important that you have to truck it in the middle of the night? she wondered.
    Finally, the unwilling insomniac could stand no more. She called the police and complained about the noise.
    A quick check downtown revealed that the warehouse was leased to a toy import company. That set the officers to wondering. Christmas was still many months away. Why would a toy company be working round the clock to ship Chinese dolls and robots that spew smoke?
    Ten minutes later, the two officers who had been sent to follow up on the disturbing-the-peace complaint pulled their cruiser up behind the working docks. When they stepped out of their vehicle, the men on the loading dock scattered and disappeared into the night.
    The officers figured they must have a burglary in progress and called for backup. Three of the men were quickly apprehended in the neighborhood, but they turned out to be the rightful occupants of the warehouse.
    So why had they fled?
    Well, they weren’t burglars, but they were guilty of a bit more than disturbing the peace. The police searched the warehouse and ended up seizing twenty-two tons of cocaine, with a street value of more than six billion dollars.
    It was the biggest drug raid in U.S. history, and it carries a lesson for all would-be dumb criminals: If you’re going to mess with Uncle Sam, make sure you don’t wake up the neighbors!

DUMB CRIMINAL QUIZ NO. 007
    How well do you know the dumb criminal mind?
    An officer fired at a bearded burglary suspect. The fleeing felon was