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unhurt, but the bullet tore a hole in the man’s shirt as it flapped in the breeze. The criminal escaped. Immediately afterward, did he . . .
    (a) sew his shirt while he watched television?
    (b) shave his beard and go right down to the police station?
    (c) use his shirt as a hand puppet to entertain children?
    (d) try and take his shirt back for a refund?
    If your answer was (b), you are correct. In Atlanta, a burglar was fired at by officers, escaped unhurt, and returned to his own home. When he got home, he quickly shaved his beard to fool the police and then went right to the police station to report that his car had been stolen. He was arrested on the spot.
    Why? First, in his haste, he had cut himself shaving, so his face was a bloody mess. Oh, and he also forgot to change the shirt that had the bullet hole in it.

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    Five Will Get You Ten or Twenty-Five
    W ith a long sigh, Janice Patterson finished writing her check on her account and received the five-dollar bill from the bank teller. She actually needed more, but her balance was far too low at the moment. She wouldn’t get her next paycheck for two more days. Until then, she would just have to get by on those five dollars.
    Janice got into her car, swung the door shut, and put the key in the ignition. Just as she was starting the engine, a man jumped in the front seat beside her and pointed a gun right at her face. “Give me all your money—right now!” he demanded in a harsh voice.
    Reluctantly, but obediently, Janice turned over her five-dollar bill.
    â€œIt’s all I have,” she explained.
    â€œYou’re kidding!” The bad guy put the gun down. Incredulous, he searched her purse and the glove compartment before he finally realized she was telling the truth.
    â€œDamn—wouldn’t you know it! All those people comin’ out of the bank, and I have to pick the one that don’t got no money!”
    All Janice could do was shrug. But now her would-be robber decided to take a different approach. “Write me a check!” he ordered.
    But Janice had to shrug again. She had just written the last of the checks in her checkbook.
    Obviously, this was not going well at all for our criminal.
    â€œI gotta think!” he mused, then ordered her to drive around the block. Janice obeyed.
    They had just turned the corner when another problem apparently occurred to the worried criminal. His victim had seen what he looked like and presumably could relay his description to the police.
    â€œDon’t look at me,” he warned. “You keep looking at the floor, hear me?”
    â€œThat would be difficult,” she told the crook. “I’m driving, remember?”
    â€œWell, you just look straight ahead. Don’t look at me.”
    She didn’t.
    Momentarily frustrated, the bandit then remembered that banks keep counter checks available for customer use. He directed his victim to drive back to the bank.
    They went inside to one of the desks, where he directed her to write a check for eighty-five dollars. She didn’t bother to tell him she didn’t have that much in the account. But she did try to communicate with the teller. As the bandit fidgeted and glanced around, Janice gestured, mimed, made faces, and even pointed at the man, but her dramatics had no effect on the teller.
    Resigning herself to the victim’s role, the woman handed the check to the bandit, but in her nervousness she neglected to sign it.
    The teller, finally tipped of by the omission of the signature, slipped back to the manager’s office, where a call was made to police. The robber was arrested, convicted, and sentenced to ten years in jail.
    Janice Patterson barely escaped punishment herself.
    â€œIt’s a good thing you didn’t sign it,” the teller pointed out to her. “The check would have bounced, and we would have had to charge you a twenty-five-dollar processing fee.”

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    Big Mac Attackers
    R