day.”
“Would you even say that if you didn’t know about the pregnancy?” My voice is cold even to my own ears. Instinctively, my hand splays over my stomach, where my babies grow. According to all the pregnancy websites, today my little ones are no bigger than the size of a kidney bean. Not much. Yet… everything .
“I’m supposed to be dead.” He squeezes my hand when I try to pull away. “As soon as we arrived in Afghanistan, I realized I couldn’t do the tour. I was a mess. I needed some time alone, so I went to India to join Janelle and left my agent behind with the other musicians…” He closes his eyes. “I should have been on that helicopter and I should be dead right now, and the only reason I’m alive is because I’m so fucking in love with you that I couldn’t face my tour. Don’t you see? You save me. Over and over again.”
I lick my lips and taste the salt of my tears. Maybe I’ll always love Nate, and maybe that love for Nate will destroy what I have with Max. But this isn’t about Max. This isn’t as simple as choosing between two men. I’m not willing to move to LA, and I won’t ask him to leave Collin to be here. I love him enough to let him go.
I understand the difference now. I’m not walking away from him. I’m letting him go.
“I want to go to your next appointment,” he says. “I’m their father. I want to be part of this.”
“Okay.”
“But do me a favor. Don’t bring him with you.”
I take a breath. “If I marry him, he’ll be helping me raise them, regardless of how you feel about that.”
His gaze settles on my left hand. “ If? ”
“ When ,” I whisper, but the word feels like a lie.
W HEN I hear the click of the shower door opening and closing, I get hard instantly. Because the thought of Hanna joining me in my shower does that to me.
I haven’t touched her since Nate appeared on her doorstep Friday night. I called her last night after she met with Nate, but her mind was somewhere else. I wanted to go to her apartment, to hold her and reassure us both, but I didn’t want to push her when I knew she was emotional and confused.
“Want company?” she whispers.
As I turn to her, I’m already filled with thoughts of pressing her against the tile as I kiss her. I want to remind her how it feels when we’re together. I want to sink to my knees so I can put my mouth between her legs as the hot water spills over her.
When I wipe the water from my face, I freeze. “What the fuck?”
Meredith skims her eyes over me, all the way down to my cock, and grins. “Good morning.” She reaches for me, and I shove her aside and leave the shower.
Hanna’s supposed to meet me here so we can head over to brunch at her mom’s together. It’s become our Sunday routine—as Meredith well knows, since she’s met us here on the last two Sundays to hand off Claire. No doubt she hoped Hanna would find us together, wet from the shower.
I wrap a towel around my hips and storm from the bathroom, determined to put distance between Meredith and me before I do something I regret.
I have my jeans on by the time she joins me in the bedroom.
“That didn’t turn out how I was hoping,” she grumbles, plopping her nude, wet body onto my bed.
I throw my towel over her. “Was that supposed to be sexy? Did you think you could climb into the shower with me and I wouldn’t be able to resist you?”
Her lower lip sticks out in a pout, and she removes the towel and uses it to dry her hair. “I thought maybe you could use some cheering up.”
“Would you just stop for a minute and imagine if our roles were reversed? If I were trying to reconcile with you and got naked and joined you in the shower?”
“I’d be down for that.”
Feeling her eyes on me literally makes me sick to my stomach. “If you do it, it’s supposed to be sexy, but you know what it would be called if a guy did it to you?”
Her eyes go hard and her nostrils flare.