turned around.
“Have you seen my people? Do you see how they live?”
“I saw them when we rode through the city,” I said.
“Do they look unhappy?”
“No, but…”
“Branford taxed them and beat them and killed them. They had nothing when I arrived. Now they have food, shelter, and clothing.”
“He’s only saying you didn’t have to cut off Branford’s head.”
“Do you believe that? I mean do you really believe that?”
No. My first thought was no .
“But aren’t you afraid Justin’s army will attack you ?” I said.
“Justin’s army is camped on my east meadow. They have pledged their alliance to me .”
He walked back to me and put his hand on my face. I loved the gesture.
“Do you believe I should have let him live?” he said.
“No.”
“And why do you believe that?”
“Because the people would still think of him as their lord, and you want to be king.”
He lifted my head so he could look into my eyes.
“Am I a bad king?”
No .
“The people love me. They willingly pay their taxes because they know I will take care of them. My soldiers protect them. I’m a better man and they know it. And I’ll be a better king.”
“Do you love them, too?”
I saw a flicker in his eye, a split second of doubt.
“I take care of them.”
He took my hand and we continued to walk.
“What was your father like?” I asked.
“He was a banker. Our family owned a bank in London. I would have inherited it one day.”
“When were you born?” I asked.
“January 26, 1885. The day Khartoum fell.”
“What’s Khartoum?” I asked.
“It’s a city in Africa.”
“What do you mean it fell?”
“The city was being held by a British general named Gordon. He couldn’t hold it. We say it fell; it’s an expression. It fell into enemy hands. They won - we lost.”
And you want Justin to fall into your hands.
We walked without talking for a while. I loved being with him.
“You said when you came back from Eton. What was Eton?”
“It was a boarding school. I spent the winter there and came home during the summer.”
“So when did you see your parents?”
“My mother died when I was young. My father would come home on weekends and I’d see him at dinner. He’d introduce me to some newly widowed woman with money. This is my son, Mason .”
“Mason, that’s your name?”
“Yes, I was born Mason Sinjin Jones.”
“What kind of name is Sinjin?”
“It’s St. John, but everyone says Sinjin. I don’t know why.”
“ Do you love the people?”
I just couldn’t let this go.
“I love them well enough,” he said.
I decided to let it go.
February 11
I love making love. My experience with sex was limited to my experience with my husband. It was sweet, but I didn’t mind those times when he would be busy at the lab and unable to come home. But with Mace, each time we do it, I just want it more.
I don’t see Geezer alone anymore. I thought I saw him in the garden one day. I was in the castle coming down the stairs when I looked out a window. The garden was below it. I thought I saw Geezer’s dark robe, but it must have been a shadow. I know Mace sees him every day. I wonder if Geezer’s avoiding me.
I think Mace feels the same way about me that I do about him. He touches me all the time. I even love the smell of him. The skin on his chest is soft and smooth. I love to touch him and run my hand over the center of his chest and lay my hand over his heart.
The wine we drink here is called mead. It’s made from honey and I like the taste, but I don’t like the way it smells.
The food isn’t very interesting, either. It’s winter and we are limited to meat and fruit that’s been kept in a dark cellar for months. It’s losing its flavor, but I won’t complain. There are too many people starving in this country. I want to help Mace. He does want to be a good king.
February 13
I am beyond angry at Geezer. I want to hit him and hurt him.
February 14
I was too