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angry yesterday to write. I just couldn’t believe what happened.
    I was alone in the garden waiting for Mace. Geezer found me sitting on a bench. He sat next to me. The night before he had given me a look from across the dinner table. I didn’t like the look. Though I was happy to see him, I braced myself.
    He began by telling me I was living in a dream.
    “He’ll never marry you,” he said.
    “I didn’t think he would,” I lied.
    “Yes, you did. You are like all other women.”
    “You’re angry with me.”
    “No, I’m not angry. I’m concerned.”
    Why do people say that when they’re angry? Do they think it makes them seem like better people?
    “Well you don’t have to be concerned. I don’t want to marry Mace.”
    He didn’t believe me. I didn’t believe me.
    “He can’t marry a commoner. He must marry royalty.”
    “How would anyone know I wasn’t royalty?”
    “What do you mean, lie?”
    “Why not? They wouldn’t be able to prove anything.”
    My body was shaking.
    “And what about Mace? He’s not royalty either.”
    He turned his head and looked at me.
    “He’s marrying Neela.”
    I felt my heart stop.
    “What are you talking about?”
    “He’s marrying Branford’s daughter.”
    I shook my head.
    “No, he can’t.”
    “He told me this morning,” Geezer said. “You and I are to leave tomorrow. He’s announcing the betrothal at dinner. He’s invited the nobles.”
    Geezer got up and walked away. He moved too fast for me to grab his robe.
    I got up and walked through the garden. It was unseasonably warm and my hair was loose. The wind blew it into my face and as I pulled it aside, Mace was standing in front of me.
    I threw my arms around his neck
    “I hate you, I hate you,” I said.
    “He told you, didn’t he?”
    “I hate you.”
    “I wanted to tell you myself,” he said.
    “How can you marry her?”
    I was sobbing.
    “I don’t love her.”
    “Then why? Why marry her?”
    “It will solidify my claim on the throne.”
    “And that’s what you care about?”
    “It’s all I’ve ever cared about - until I saw you.”
    “And you’re still not willing…”
    “To what? To give it up? Don’t be foolish, Margaret. I never pretended to be anything other than what I am. But I didn’t count on feeling this way about you. You’ve torn me in two.”
    I pulled away.
    “Come to me tonight,” he said.
    “I can’t,” I said.
    “Please.”
    I came to him that night. We made love and held each other until dawn.
    February 15
    The horses were mounted in the courtyard when I came outside. Geezer was sitting on his gray mare.
    I felt arms go around my waist.
    “I love you,” he said.
    My heart was broken. I turned to look at him. I kept looking at his eyes and then I saw the pain. He did love me. His eyes couldn’t lie. He held my hands.
    “I’ll come to the tower one day,” he said.
    “Why?”
    “Because I won’t be able to stay away.”
    He squeezed my hands.
    “You are the only one I love,” he said. “I can’t make you believe it but it’s true.”
    I believed it. God help me, I believed it.
    “I will come to the tower,” he said.
    I hated crying. I hated people to see how I felt. I couldn’t stop the damned tears.
    “Please don’t,” I replied.
    He helped me onto my white mare and I held his hand for a moment. He rubbed his thumb across my knuckles as Geezer left the courtyard.
    “I will come to the tower,” he said.
    I believed him. I turned and looked at him as I rode away. He stayed and watched me.
    February 20
    Geezer was polite as we rode home. He rode ahead of me but not too far.
    I was a mess. I was angry at myself, but I was also hurt and mad at Mace. I felt stupid too. I hadn’t thought of marrying him. Marriage on Pryll was kind of an afterthought. But here, it’s everything.
    I keep saying he doesn’t love her. I keep telling myself he won’t sleep with her. But if he needs an heir, he’ll have to. I read Matt’s book on British