Read Against God for Free Online Page A

phone, snap it open and punch in the first digitsfor
     Sylvain’s number but you stop, upset, and eventually put your cell phone back in
     your coat but it starts ringing almost immediately, you check to see who’s
     calling, your brother, you rub your forehead, turn back to the dozens of people
     milling about across the street from the club, your expression sinister, and
     suddenly you hurl your phone in their direction, but up high, as high as you
     can, you watch it rise, become lost for a second or two in the darkness, then
     hurtle back down, toward the crowd, but it hits no one, it plunges into the snow
     a few centimetres from the feet of a young woman who remains totally oblivious,
     your lips pull back into a bitter, ironic smirk, you cross the street, approach
     the woman and
    - You’ve got no clue what a close call you just had . . .
    she, clearly tipsy, has no idea what you’re talking about and giggles, you keep
     on walking then, now you’re in a posher neighbourhood, lots of hustle and
     bustle, you stare at the people whose path you cross, they ignore you, you pick
     a bar at random, enter, the place is more stylish and trendier than Le Losange,
     there’s even a no-nonsense bouncer, not too many people, mostly couples or small
     groups, two girls, both pretty and sexy, alone at the bar, you walk over, offer
     them a drink, the brush-off, annoyance, heads turned, you don’t insist, you down
     a shooter, then another, make your way to the bathroom, empty your bladder,
     totter slightly on your return, you’re drunk and it shows, you repeat your offer
     and one of the two girls, fed up, tellsyou to leave them
     alone, you lose it then, you yell at them then, you unload on them then, if they
     don’t want to be hit on, why go to bars alone wearing sexy clothes, they should
     just stay home, dammit, and they stare at you, dumbfounded, call you a bastard,
     a frustrated bastard, and you shoot back that they’re right there, damn right,
     you’re frustrated, have been for years, just like everyone else, just like them,
     you’re sure they are, everyone is frustrated over something or other, you
     insist, so why not get rid of the frustration together, eh, right now, a
     threesome, a first for you, at thirty-five it’s about time, isn’t it, and what
     about you girls, have you already been in one, but you don’t give them time to
     answer, you’re in a hurry, you order them to follow you, now, c’mon, let’s go,
     quick, you even take each of them by the arm, they yell at you, try to get away,
     but another pair of hands swoops down on your shoulders, it’s the bouncer,
     direction exit, you protest, not much, for form’s sake, and you find yourself
     out on the sidewalk, and you lean against a wall, and you close your eyes, you
     look as though you might throw up but the moment passes, you start to stagger
     down the street, weaving, take a few seconds to get your bearings, keep walking
     and walking, eventually find and slide into your car, and you stare at the
     frozen expanse before you, and tears roll down your cheeks, and you’re asleep
     before the tears have had time to freeze, it’s the cold that wakes you, you’re
     frozen stiff, the clock on the dash reads six, you take off your tie and throw
     it onto the back seat, you get out, your head’s pounding but it’s bearable,you shiver on your way into the first open café, a coffee, a
     muffin, you slowly drink and eat sitting at a table, stare at the three other
     customers, they look lonely, they look depressed, and you don’t budge from the
     table, two hours, you close your eyes and fall asleep, the waitress wakes you,
     tells you you can’t sleep here, the clock on the wall reads nine thirty, you
     leave, a light snowfall, you stare at the ground, your boots beneath you, the
     soles of your boots splashing, slush on the sidewalk, the metro station, you
     head inside, pay for a ticket, stand studying the map for a long time,