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classes in common, and therefore were required to spend time together and possibly even work together — I could dream, couldn’t I?
    Mostly, though, I think it bothered her that I wasn’t socially astute enough to fall in line. That’s what she’d expected. It’s what she’d planned on.
    Randi had expected me to bow down, like everyone else. Honestly, I’d expected to do the same. I just didn’t know how and obviously kept screwing up.
    I knew I should stay away from Colin. Just like I knew I should kiss up to Randi. I knew it was smarter to fall in line and to follow. Being on Randi’s bad side would hurt me much more than it would hurt her. I had no illusions about who Amber or Colin would pick in a fight. I was the new girl, and I always would be.
    Besides, when it came down to it, Randi was doing me a favor. I shouldn’t get close to Colin, and I definitely shouldn’t want him. I couldn’t afford to get too close to anyone here.
    I had a plan, and I had to stick to it.
    I needed this to be my home for the next three years. I needed these people to be my family, Randi included. I’d gone years having only myself to lean on. I’d had three days of support outside of myself, and I was hooked. If I screwed this up, I’d have no one to blame but myself — no drunk cousins, sick grandparents, unstable aunts or mean uncles, only myself.
    I would not jeopardize my situation.
    My plan was to keep it light, superficial; never let anyone get close enough to hurt me. There are two human behaviors that I knew well: pity and abandonment. I refused to let either catch me here. These people would never feel sorry for me; they would never know any reason to, and I would never, never get close enough to anyone to let them leave me.
    ****
    Amber had a twelve-thirty class, which left me alone with Randi for the walk back to the residence hall.
    I had firmly decided that I was going to fall in line, and now seemed like a good time to start.
    "So, Colin mentioned that you almost went to fashion school in New York. That’s incredible! Have you always been into fashion?"
    I thought this was a relatively successful first attempt at sucking up. Not only did I mention to Randi that Colin had spoken about her, but I also pretended not to know about her obsession with fashion in an effort to allow her to explain her interests to me firsthand — I already knew virtually everything about Randi from Amber, who loved to talk about anything or anyone. Plus, I made myself sound both awed and interested at the same time.
    I smiled up at Randi. She took a moment to put the appropriate abashed look on her face, then gushed, "Colin mentioned that? Oh…it’s no big deal. You know, once I sent in my portfolio, they offered me a scholarship, and I really did think about going." She stopped and looked over at me. "You know, fashion is my life," she continued seriously, "but New York is so far away from my family and friends and, of course, Colin …"
    Of course.
    "But in the end, obviously," she chuckled, "being near to those I love won out."
    Aw…she’s so selfless.
    By the way, Randi’s a theater major. I bet she’s really good.
    We’d reached the dorm now and were walking up the stairway to our hall, conceivably to part ways for the afternoon. I could only hope that my attempt at good will had the desired effect.
    I turned to say goodbye to Randi when suddenly she looked at me and asked, "Are you done for the day?"
    I was shocked. I just looked up at her and nodded.
    "Oh," she shrugged. "Wanna go to the gym?"
    I guess it worked.
    ****
    Later that evening, Randi and Becca converged on Amber's and my room. The girls had made plans for us to go out to a party on Thursday night and were discussing outfits and hairstyles and makeup.
    And I was lost.
    I sat there not knowing at all what to say, having no idea how to add to the discussion. This was definitely not a world I was used to. I’d never attended a party like this before.
    I felt,