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the time but tonight it came with the pain of a million thorns, because I always meant it, but for the first time I realized I was right.
    “ You deserve better than you,” she said.
    “And earlier in the ring I was—”
    “ I know, Jess.” My life was an ugly mess, at times of my own making and at other times because of whom I was in Glory; yet, even at my most unlovable, Drew only loved me harder. “Can I go see Miss Carla now, please?”
    Mom had chosen Miss Madison’s biggest guestroom, so that she could have space to move around, back when the pain wasn’t so much.
    “Miss Carla, I’m so glad you’re awake!” Drew raced to my mom’s side and hopped onto the bed to hug her. Mom’s nightstand was covered in pain pills and anti-nausea medications, crackers, and a gallon of water—just the stuff she could keep down these days. Every time I came here I noticed how much she was wasting away, especially now that Drew was taking up more space on the bed than she was. Her skin was ashen, there were deep, dark circles under her eyes, and she was so thin that the shape of her bones was prominent through her skin. The sight of her pinched my stomach and it hurt to breathe; I couldn’t move past the doorway.
    I used to stand on her feet and she would dance all around the house with me. During the Glory holiday parade, she would sit me up on her shoulders to see, the only mom doing that. One time the whole school heard her yelling at Principal Stern in his office when I was in elementary school because he hadn’t done anything when another kid called me the son of a whore during recess. She had always been my hero, and I couldn’t think of anything more devastating than her death.
    “I stayed up for you. Did you bring my boy?” There was so much excitement in her voice; it finally cracked through my sadness.
    “Hey, Ma.”
    “Why are you all the way over there?” She waved for me to come closer and she couldn’t stop smiling. “How are you? Drew gave me the big news! You finally got around to filling out those college applications. I’m so proud of you. College was always what I wanted for you.” As Mom talked, Drew gave me a look that dared me to contradict her.
    “Yeah , I did,” I said as Drew moved so I could sit. “I’ll buy you a t-shirt of the school I end up at.”
    “I won’t be here when you decide, honey,” Mom replied in a matter-of-fact tone.
    “Don’t think like that.” I took her hand in mine before I gave her a hug. 
    But Mom scoffed. “ We can’t pretend there’s more time for me. I’ve made peace with that, but you’ve been avoiding it. And I have so much to say before I can’t say anything anymore. So you’ll have to face it today, my little boy. You will be motherless very, very soon. And I’m sorry for that.” The cancer had taken her sight almost to complete blindness, but it meant she was touching my face more, touching me more, which I had come to appreciate. “From the moment I laid eyes on you, my precious baby boy, I knew you would have my heart forever. But I also knew you were going to be nothing but trouble, Jesse Richard Chance. I was going to name you Archibald, after your grandfather but, I swear on his grave, you would kick me so hard every time I called you Archie. You were a fighter even then. I guess that’s why you love going to Perry’s so much, huh?”
    I shot Drew a look when she giggled, and tears were streaming down her cheeks faster than she could wipe them. “Perry’s got that back problem, Ma. He can’t handle the farm equipment like he used to...it’s a lot of property, even with four sons.”
    Ma smirked. “Don’t you lie to me, child. I’m blind not stupid .” She sighed and a faint, sad smile appeared. “I just wish you would fight with only your heart, baby boy.” The smile vanished and her look became more pensive. “But you’re angry. I know that. You’re angry about so much, and I have cried for years because I can’t