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, Pansa, for instance. He lies, cheats, and steals in what I imagine is a bottomless desire for power and influence. But men like him are never satisfied. They grow worse—even more corrupt over time—because the more they fight to acquire the trappings of power and confidence, the more it eludes them.”
    Silence. I did not want to talk about Pansa. But the senator clearly expected a response.
    “I did not know you were a Stoic,” I said, trying to be flippant.
    He shrugged. “’Virtue is rewarded with happiness,’” he said, quoting Epictetus.
    I couldn’t imagine ever being happy again. The senator must have read my expression, for he added, “Do your duty by your uncle. It may not bring happiness, but it will bring a measure of peace.”
    I left soon after, assuring the senator that I was headed straight back to Misenum, but I wasn't sure I would ever go home again.
     
     
    AT the Sarno stables, my uncle’s man yelped in shock when he saw my face. “ Dominus , what has happened? I knew I should’ve accompanied you! A man of your station should not walk the streets alone. The master will flog me for this!”
    “No, he will not,” I said wearily. “I gave you a direct order to stay with the horses. You cannot be punished for obeying me.”
    The older man, skin darkened and leathered from a life spent outside with horses, did not seem so sure. He twisted his hands with worry.
    “And I am giving you another order,” I added. “You are to leave my horse here and ride back to Misenum right away. Without me.”
    He gasped. “No, no, Dominus . That is impossible. I cannot allow that.”
    “I am not going back to Misenum. And you have Uncle’s other horses to tend to.”
    “But … but the horses need more rest.” He stared at the bag I continued to clutch tightly against my side. “And what do I tell your uncle?”
    “Tell him I threatened you with crucifixion if you didn’t obey.”
    “But young dominus , you did not …”
    “I am sparing you the rod, Eponus. Now do as I say.”
    He did, while I sat in a pungent corner of the stables near my horse and considered my options. Where could I go where I wouldn’t be found? How would I actually live after the money from selling Uncle’s goods ran out? I could escape to the provinces and try to earn money as a tutor to some barbarian’s child in some distant outpost, but just about every legate in every province would know my uncle. They’d be on the watch for me.
    I was trapped.
    The senator’s words—“Virtue is sufficient for happiness”—came back to me and I snorted derisively. No, senator, it is most definitely not sufficient for happiness. I’d never be happy, no matter how virtuous I’d try to become. All I had to do was remember the cold look in Prima’s eyes when she called me “little boy” for the pit of humiliation and despair to open up and swallow me again. It did not seem possible that there would ever be a time where it wouldn’t. Besides, what did virtue mean in this situation?
    That I returned what I took and told my uncle the truth? The very idea made my insides turn to water. But running and hiding from him felt worse. It felt childish. And I wanted so much to stop feeling like a little boy. Wearily, I stood up and began preparing my horse for the journey. Home was the better of two miserable options. At least I could try to face Uncle like a man.
     
     
    EVEN walking my horse battered my injured body in new ways. My ribs ached, my head pounded, and my stomach roiled. It was slow going.
    I arrived late the next morning to a house in chaos. Servants rushed to and fro. Some of the women were crying.
    “What is happening?” I asked one of the kitchen women when I entered the courtyard.
    “Someone stole from Dominus ! And we are all being forced to line up for interrogation,” she cried. “But none of us stole anything. Please, young master, let me go to talk to my children outside and warn them.”
    I released her