Read A Darkness in My Soul for Free Online

mysterious. There is no place where the sun shows. Below all this piling grayness, beneath the scudding harbingers of rain, there is a hill, a large and rounded hill formed by Nature into a grotesque, gnarled lump, a blemish upon the face of the earth. There are people… people,..
        GO ON. The same old urging-go on, go on, go on…
        There are people… and there is a cross… a wooden cross…
        
    FOCUS ON THE CROSS. WHAT DO YOU SEE THERE?
        
        Me.
        
    YES?
        
        Nailed. Blood. Much blood. White, festered wounds dribbling rusty blood around the edges of little holes, neat little holes like the cavities left when you rip the buttons from the faces of rag dolls… Rusty blood there…
        
    WHO IS IN THE CROWD?
        
        Harry. I see Harry there. He's weeping.
        
    WHY IS HE WEEPING?
        
        For me.
        
    WHO ELSE?
        
        I'm thirsty.
        
    WHO ELSE?
        
        I'm thirsty. Very thirsty.
        
    THEY WILL GIVE YOU WATER SOON. THEY
    WILL SLAKE YOUR THIRST. NOW WHO ELSE IS
    IN THE CROWD?
        
        Morsfagen is casting dice for my cloak. And over there, beyond him, is a pregnant woman who is…
        
    GO ON, PLEASE

    .
        
        Please this time?
        
    GO ON.
        
        I look at her belly… and… there… is Child. He is weeping too. But he is not weeping for the same reason that Harry is. He isn't weeping for me. It's because he wants up there where I am. He wants out of that woman's womb and up on the cross, nailed and bleeding and thirsty and dying. He wants it so bad that he writhes inside her in fury, wanting out…
        
    DO YOU KNOW WHY HE WANTS OUT?
        
        For the same reason I am happy to be there.
        
    YOU ENJOY BEING ON THE CROSS?
        
        Yes.
        
    WHY?
        
    WHY?
        
        I don't know.
        
    DO YOU SEE ANYONE ELSE IN THE CROWD?
        
        No! Oh, no! Oh, my God, my God, my God!
        
    WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS THE MATTER?
        
        No! You'll spoil it/me! I can't! Don't you see my station, my purpose, my nature? It must be my purpose! I haven't got another one, there isn't another one, this must be it! Get away from me! No!
        
    WHAT IS IT? WHO DO YOU SEE?
        
        Melinda. Floating, naked. Floating toward the cross. No!
        Stay away! You'll spoil my purpose!
        
    STOP IT.
        
        Help! Help me! Don't let her touch me! Forgod'ssakeshe'snaked… naked… nakednakednakednaked!
        
    STOP DREAMING! WAKE! LISTEN TO ME; HOLD
    YOURSELF TOGETHER AND LISTEN TO ME.
    IQUIET. COMPOSE YOURSELF. I WILL INTERPRET YOUR DREAM. THOUGH I MUST SAY THAT
    THIS THROWS A NEW LIGHT ON YOUR PSYCHE.
    DO YOU SEE WHY YOU ARE THE ONE ON THE
    CROSS? NO NEED FOR AN ANSWER, PURELY
    RHETORICAL. YOU SEE YOURSELF AS CHRISTWHAT A NEW DEVELOPMENT!-MORE PRECISELY, AS THE INCARNATION OF CHRIST AS REPRESENTED BY THE SECOND COMING. THERE
    ARE PARALLELS, OF COURSE, BETWEEN YOUR
    CONDITION AND THE STORY OF THE CHRIST.
    YOU COULD SAY THAT YOUR OWN BIRTH WAS A
    VIRGIN BIRTH, FOR EXAMPLE. YOU WERE NOT
    CONCEIVED BY FLESH IN FLESH AND THE SPILLING OF SEED, BUT BY THE GENETIC ENGINEERS
    AND THE COMPLEX CYBERNETIC ARTIFICIAL
    WOMBS. AND THERE ARE YOUR SUPER-HUMAN
    POWERS. PERHAPS THEY ARE NOT AS ALL-ENCOMPASSING AS THOSE OF THE CHRIST MYTH,
    BUT THEY ARE SUFFICIENTLY STRONG TO NURTURE YOUR DELUSIONS.
    YOU WERE NOT ABLE TO SEE A PURPOSE TO
    YOUR LIFE, SO YOU CHOSE TO CAST YOURSELF
    IN THE ROLE OF A SAVIOUR. IT SERVES A DOUBLE PURPOSE: FIRST, IT REINFORCES ALL YOUR
    CHRISTIAN MORES, ALL THE THINGS THEY
    THOUGHT YOU SHOULD BELIEVE AS YOU WERE
    RAISED (THOUGH THEY WERE AS INTERESTED
    IN SUPPLYING YOU WITH MORES THAT WOULD
    KEEP YOU IN LINE AS MUCH AS THEY CARED
    ABOUT YOUR HAVING A CHRISTIAN UPBRINGING); SECONDLY, IT GIVES A PURPOSE AND
    MEANING NOT ONLY TO YOUR LIFE BUT TO THE
    ENTIRE UNIVERSE WHICH SOMETIMES