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discomfort, “Alice is the reason I’m here. Like I was saying, I’m in a tight spot. I go back to school and work on Monday, and I need a sitter
    [26]

    one small thing

    for my daughter. I’ve looked into daycares around here, and I really can’t afford that kind of a bill, so I was just wondering—would you be able to watch her, maybe?”
    I blinked. Opened my mouth. Closed it. Me? Babysit? Me, alone with a baby? I opened my mouth again, but my tongue felt heavy as cement and I couldn’t get it to move.
    “I could pay you,” Rue rushed on. “I don’t really have a lot of extra money left over, but I could maybe do… um… four hundred a month?”
    Still unable to speak, I shook my head. No. I couldn’t do it. It didn’t matter how much he paid me. I’d never even held a baby before.
    And I never wanted to. I can’t.
    “Five hundred!” Rue was starting to sound desperate.
    I shook my head again, finally finding my voice. “N-no, I—”
    “She’s the sweetest little thing,” Rue said, and suddenly he was standing in front of me, and I found myself automatically accepting the soft, pink bundle he pressed into my arms. “Look at her. She’ll be good, I promise, and you’d be helping me out so much —” Horrified, I immediately tried to hand the baby back. She felt so tiny and fragile in my arms. I was scared I would drop her or hurt her without meaning to. Her unfocused blue eyes were on my face, and I couldn’t tell if she was looking at me or through me, but it made me so nervous a tremble started in my limbs. “No. No, I c-can’t.”
    “It could be a temporary thing.” Rue’s expression was pleading.
    “Just until I find something else. Please, I don’t really have any other options, and I have to go to school. I’m only a few months from finishing. If you could just—”
    “I can’t d-do it,” I interrupted, holding the baby out to him until he finally stepped forward and took her from my arms. “I know I can’t.”
    Rue frowned down at me. “Look, if this is about the money, I can try to—”
    [27]

    Piper Vaughn & M.J. O’Shea

    “N-not about that.” I got to my feet and gestured him toward the front door. I knew it was rude, but the sweat on my palms and the sudden surge in my heartbeat meant I was going to need some serious time in my chair. I didn’t want to freak out in front of him, but if he didn’t leave really soon…. “S-sorry, but I j-just can’t do it.” I could tell I’d disappointed him, but Rue didn’t say anything else. He just put the baby into her car seat and left the apartment without looking back.
    The moment he was gone, I collapsed into my chair and rubbed my sweaty palms on my jeans. My breathing was a bit erratic, but a few minutes of running my fingers over the smooth leather armrests staved off any real panic. After a little while, I’d calmed enough to go back to A New Hope . I didn’t risk any more popcorn, just focused on the movie and tried not to think.
    It worked. That is, it worked until I’d finished the movie and started getting ready for bed. On the way to the bedroom, I stopped to switch off the light in my office and caught a glimpse of the neat stack of mail piled high on the left-hand corner of my desk. There were bills in that pile. Bills I’d been putting off while I waited for my next royalty check to come in. And some of them were already past due.
    I swallowed hard. An extra five hundred dollars a month could really come in handy. But no. I couldn’t do it. I’d never be able to cope if the baby got hysterical. I could barely manage myself sometimes, let alone some miniature person whose sole method of communication was crying. How would I know what she wanted? How would I keep her happy? What if I had to drive her somewhere? And she was screaming.
    And I couldn’t concentrate. Oh God, what if I crashed? What if—?
    No! No. I’ll find another way to pay the bills. I’ll find another way.
    But five hundred dollars