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hard to tell) and disappearing
into the moaning darkness outside the evil chapel's walls.
    The Irish man, now more concerned with the
scientist-smashing demonic arm and less about his aversion to
vomit, dove out of the arm's reach as it grabbed for him. Outside,
the groaning had intensified into a veritable frenzy. The sound of
a powerful brain separating from its skull could be heard. The
brain's last thought was, “Actually, those zombies do appear to
have climbed up out of the grave in various stages of
decomposition,” and then it was just food.
    What did I just say about the lid to the
crypt? The doctor mumbled to himself as he readied his shotgun
for whatever might come crawling out of that stone box. He felt
oddly calm for a man who knew he was probably about to die. There has to be a way out of this, right? Why do I feel
like there has to be a way out of this? What's wrong with me? He spied the nauseous woman crying in the back of the chapel. He
ran past the outstretched demon-arm and made his way back there to
make sure she was ok. He could never take seeing a woman cry. It
was his Achilles' heel as a doctor.
    The thing inside the crypt flipped the stone
slab end-over-end and stood up. The slab shattered on the back
steps of the altar area with a huge and terrifying crash. The beast
was at least 10 feet tall, and muscular, and gray, and scaly, and
piscine, and wearing a giant red beret on its toothy head. “Hi
everyone – I've been expecting you,” it growled. “Well,
actually, I was expecting more of you to have been eaten by those
zombies. But, more fun for me hoo hah!”
    Its voice was low and throaty, and it
reverberated though the ribcages of everyone in the room. As it
talked, the zombie noise outside swelled to a thunder.
    “ I want you to know that you all deserve
to die. I know of your evil deeds, and have pronounced your death
sentence with you in absentia. You scum didn't deserve a trial!
With your deaths, I will finally awaken the many-tentacled beast
you see in these windows. The Eater of Worlds will shatter this
chapel and take its rightful place as the Devourer of all, with me
as his sidekick! You will finally be useful in death, as you never
were in life! You...wait.”
    Looking through the room, it saw someone it
wasn't expecting.
    “ Who are you? I didn't invite you to this
party! How did you get here?” the beret-topped monstrosity
roared as it pointed its right claw in the doctor's direction.
    The doctor looked up from the back of the
chapel. He gamely offered, “I was planning on hunting deer, but
then there were these zombies...”
    “ You don't belong here!” It roared
again, pausing its prepared speech and looking up at the windows in
exasperation. “What day is it? Is it Juneteenth?”
    Everyone there started looking at each other,
not exactly sure how to react. Only one of them even knew what that
was.
    The doctor picked up the kneeling woman and
sat her in the back pew. She was still crying, and looked up at him
with exhausted and sad eyes. He brushed some vomit out of her long
blonde hair, looked her in the eye, and whispered, “When I nudge
you, stand up, run the other way, and yell as loud as you can.” She
looked at him with a cocked eyebrow, then sniffled and nodded in
agreement.
    “Yes, it's June 17th,” answered the doctor as
he patiently sat.
    “ The planning was perfect, I don't
understand. Wait, I don't see Rose. Where is Rose? Are you Rose?
Did you have some sort of sex-change operation in the last month?
No, you're way too tall to be Rose. And that still wouldn't explain
the shotgun...”
    It trailed off, trying to make sense of it
all. The fish demon's distractedness allowed all the people in the
chapel to slowly creep towards the back, giving anyone with a
firearm a clear shot at its confused evil head.
    “ So I go through all that trouble...all
those invitations and lures...chanted all those
incantations...learned how to pronounce ancient