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worms or whatever, but I never forget where you are and how little I know about what you’re going through. It’s only when sometimes you tell me something like you weigh less than 120 pounds and you can’t eat solid food that I swing back to know you are hurting so badly and I feel so helpless. It makes me crazy sometimes. Please tell me you will try.
    You asked why things always have to change. I’ve asked myselfthat question a million times, and it doesn’t do any good—but I’ve learned that—you know, I don’t know what I’ve learned from it—sometimes it just plain hurts—but I’ve changed so much since I’ve met you—in the most incredible way—you have affected my life—in ways I have not yet begun to explain to you—but I will, in time.
    I know I’ve said it before and all the time, but you mean more to me every day and I will never leave you, never, no matter where you are.
    I have to tell you that I couldn’t write to you right away—I was crying so much—and Susan came downstairs and told me—I had been telling her about how sometimes I just send these terribly silly or edgy letters to you—like you were living in Palookaville, you know, driving round in a car or something. I was so shaken and sad—because you’re not. Susan made me feel better. She said that when she was really sad (for about a year) she was heartbroken—she used to come downstairs to hear me ramble on about, well, you know how I go on about things. She said it made her feel like there was something else to fill her head with for a little while. Something that didn’t hurt—it might make her nauseous, but not sad.
    You needn’t respond to that.
    Just know that I am aware of your pain, I can never imagine the depth, but I know it’s there—and I will spend my life trying to lessen it in any small way I can.
    Please eat. OK??
    Damien, I truly care for you so very much.
    Yours, Lorri

June 17, 1996
    Dearest Lorri,
    Relax, sweetie, I know how you feel, I know what you mean. Words sometimes feel so useless, because they’re such small trivial things, and they can’t come anywhere close to explaining or describing the huge, intense emotions you feel. The word “emotion” doesn’t even begin to describe your feelings, because it’s so very much more powerful than the word “emotion” can mean. You don’t even have to try to explain unless you want to, because I can feel it. There’s no need to try to explain unless it makes you feel better.
    The word “love” is too small to encompass all that you feel. No word will fit. At least no word that the human tongue is capable of producing. The only way I know to let you know that I experience the same thing is by telling you this—the only way to let you know how strongly it has affected me is by telling you what I almost did the other day. I have become friends with the man and woman who did a lot of the work for Paradise Lost . Their names are Burk and Kathy. Anyway, for the past month, they have been doing everything in their power to get me released. Anyway, they’ve been in charge of a lot of other films, too, including From Dusk till Dawn , Even Cowgirls Get the Blues , and Hellraiser III and IV . Well, I was talking to Burk and he said that they had been placing a lot of bets with people as to how soon I would be released, and he said that as soon as I am free, he wants me to come to Los Angeles, because he and Kathy could use me in a lot of their films. (I would actually be a movie star.)Well, the first thing that almost rolled off my tongue was, “I can’t move that far away from Lorri.” I caught myself, and I was kind of confused, because I knew he would have no idea what I was talking about, or even who “Lorri” was. So what I said was, “Sure, I’d absolutely love to.” But I knew that there was no way I could live on the complete opposite side of the country as you, because I feel I have to stay close to you.
    I understand, and I know. It