even believe it.
Also, some of the guards just came to my door talking about Paradise Lost . They believe me! They believe I’m innocent and they said all of Arkansas was saying the same thing! This is so great. They were also laughing, because they said if someone saw the film, and then looked at me, they wouldn’t recognize me. I asked them, “Why not?” and they said because in the movie I looked fat and bigger than I am, and I had short hair. One of them said, “Now you look like a bushman, you’re as skinny as a stick, and you’ve got hair halfway down your back.” Lorri, this is so great. I knew something like this would happen, but I still wasn’t prepared for it. It’s so overwhelming.
You really, really shocked me when you said that you were once married. The story about you and David, in a way it was very beautiful, but it was also so sad. I know the pain he feels, he still loves you so much that it hurts, but I also know how you felt, it’s like you said—you had to have him completely or not at all. Yes, it’s like you said—those feelings can be so very beautiful, butthey’re always so painful. It’s like being in heaven and hell at the same time.
Yes, I know what you mean about communicating like this, and it is wonderful. It’s sort of like both of us is pure thought, we have no form, just like two energy forms who meet to exchange thoughts, emotions, feelings, ideas, and information, only to discover that they are really extensions of each other, always connected, but just beginning to realize it. I’ve been thinking constantly now. You know the book you sent, The Holy Kaballah ? Well, people who have made really in-depth studies of it say that it teaches that before a soul is born into the flesh, it is whole and complete—neither male nor female—then when it’s ready to be reborn in the flesh, it is split in half—male and female—and born into 2 bodies. Maybe that’s the case of you and me, maybe we were once “one.” I don’t know, but it would describe the way you explained how you think of me—neither young or old, male or female, just part of “us.”
I got a letter from my mom, and she said she’s thinking of moving to Tennessee, up in the hills away from everything and everyone. She says she feels really at peace up there, with nothing to distract her. I envy her. Anyway, she wants to know my opinion. I know it’s the best thing for her, but she already feels so far away, and she would be even farther. Why does everything always have to change? Why does nothing ever stay the same? I know that even I can’t stay in West Memphis forever, I have to move on, but I will miss it, and it will hurt to leave. I don’t know where I will go, I just know I’ll have to go west. I’ll stick a few things in a backpack and go until I find somewhere that feels right.
Sending much love forever,
Damien
June 17, 1996
Dear Sweetest Damien:
I have just received your letter telling me of the positive reactions to Paradise Lost . I am so, so happy. Believe me, I want to see all the media in the world that will tell the world of your innocence or will change some minds and get you out of there. Oh, it’s such a good thing. I am so thankful that the movie was made. I knew it was going to help—I have a feeling it’s just the beginning. When you get out, I’m going to take you to Ireland as a celebration gift!! Wouldn’t that be great?!
But Damien, please, please try to eat. Please, I can’t tell you how I began to cry so hard when I read that you only drink tea! You have to eat every day—you have to start. I know I sound like a mother hen, but if it helps any, think every day, “I’ll eat today for Lorri.” I mean it. You wrote in a letter recently about repaying me—and I scoffed at it—but now I know how you can “repay” me: Just eat. Try to keep yourself healthy. I know it’s hard—I know your life is hell right now. I know I write a lot of nonsense about bugs or