Read You Herd Me!: I'll Say It If Nobody Else Will for Free Online Page B

a millisecond too long or else he’ll walk up on you and try to goad you into a fight.
    This sounds horribly elitist—I admit it up front—but you can separate men into two categories: Job Guy or Career Guy. The NFL markets itself to blue-collar, working-class men. All the commercials—Budweiser, Ford trucks, Doritos. It’s a man’s world, and these men aren’t eating organic spinach and driving Priuses (Pri-i?).
    Generally speaking, Career Guy is not going to go to a game on a Sunday afternoon and put his career in jeopardy by doing something idiotic. This is anecdotal, and based on my experience dealing with sponsors and salespeople, and other professionals, but Career Guy is far less likely to risk his professional well-being in favor of a dozen shots of cheap tequila and an upper-deck brawl with a guy wearing a different-colored jersey. He’s got clients, maybe, or an important meeting on Monday. It’s a much bigger deal for Career Guy to show up for work on Monday morning with a raging hangover and a black eye than it is for Job Guy. You’re generally not going to put your career in jeopardy by throwing a haymaker at a guy at a football game. It’s simply not worth it.
    Sad to say, there’s not as much of a social stigma for Job Guy if he acts like a complete asshat in a public setting. If you’ve got a job at a warehouse and the guy behind you pops off, what do you give a shit? You’ve had nineteen jobs, and your honor or your team is more important than that job. Job Guy might throw the haymaker, consequences be damned.
    Say it out loud
.
    It’s reached the point where the behavior inside stadiums is so appalling I believe alcohol should be banned, with few exceptions. One exception I would make—and this is going to sound elitist one more time—is for suites. The suites are predominatelyfor advertisers, and many of the advertisers are alcohol companies. Obviously, the more they advertise, the more the franchise—and its fans—benefits. It’s a fine line; alcohol is big business in the NFL, but it’s also the biggest contributor to negative fan behavior. The stakes are high. The league—or individual teams—would not only have to take a stand, it would have to take a stand that would cost it some money.
    But look at the big picture: this is the one league that has every major broadcast network under contract. This is the one league that is financially solvent, from top to bottom, inside and out. This isn’t the NBA, where a certain percentage of the teams lose money. This isn’t big-league baseball, where Tampa and Oakland just can’t draw. I wouldn’t fault the NHL if it said banning alcohol was a hit it couldn’t afford to take; $4 million for an owner in that league could mean the difference between red and black.
    The NFL is in a category all its own. What are they making on beer sales? Seven million per team maybe? Hell, the Seahawks paid Matt Flynn $10 million to
not
play.
    Make one thing clear: I’m not a moralist or some throwback Puritan who believes strong drink is the devil’s brew. I’m in favor of legalizing pot and I own a wine store.
    Morals aren’t the issue.
    Sanity is the issue. Common sense is the issue.
    You will never see me wear a jersey to a game. Ever. Maybe my ego is just too big, but I would never wear another man’s name on my back. That’s my back, and I’m proud of it. I don’t want my kids to see me idolizing someone else. Do you want them to idolize other people? You can be respectful of someone’s work without slobbering over him or her.
    There’s just too much man worship in sports. Maybe it’s our Western religion where we look up for answers while Eastern religion asks you to look within yourself, not idolize or worship someone else.
    It’s what brought down Penn State football. People allowed a man in his eighties to run a $400 million football program. That’s not being an ageist—it’s being a realist. Joe Paterno was not only injured twice