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corner and I have to juggle the tray to keep from dumping it. Kim grabs my arm and she feels pretty strong for such a little thing. Some guys from the basketball team are at one of the booths, and I nod in greeting and sit with my back to them.
    She eats a lot, so we don’t talk too much during dinner. “You know that guy in the Syracuse sweatshirt?” I ask, referring to one of the guys at the basketball table.
    “Yeah?”
    “I heard his brother deals coke.”
    “Yeah. I’ve heard that,” she says. “People jump to conclusions. It’s not true.”
    “No?”
    She shakes her head. “Some of his friends. Danny’s okay.”
    Kim’s only lived here about two years, but she knows more about certain aspects of the town than I do. She knows who’s getting what from who, and who’s into drugs and anorexia and things like that. I offer her a french fry because she’s already finished hers. She takes it.
    I tell her what the coach said on Monday, and she frowns and clicks her tongue. “That’s really unfair,” she says. “I had a teacher like that in seventh grade. She couldn’t stand me and made my life miserable. She gave me C’s and B’s until my parents went to the principal about it.”
    “Yeah, well, I don’t think Coach is down on me, particularly. He’s just protecting Al. He hasn’t coached a state champ yet, and he thinks I’m a threat to that.”
    “Sounds real mature.” She’s smiling when she says this; she seems to have some understanding of this rutting behavior we males go through. Most girls seem to be repelled by it; Kim just seems amused. “I guess Coach is about as grown-up as you guys are,” she says. “He’d probably jump you in the backyard too.” We both laugh at this, but I think it’s got some truth to it.
    “So … are you?” she asks.
    “What?”
    “A threat. To Al.”
    “I don’t know.” I don’t. I ought to be. But I’m not really sure.
    “He’s the best in the state?” she asks.
    “Yeah.… He could probably win at any weight from 130 to 140.”
    “Can you beat him?”
    I think about this for half a minute, then I answer yes. “I have to.”
    She folds her arms. “Why?”
    “It’s what I am.”
    “What is?”
    “A wrestler. From Sturbridge. I’m a kid from Sturbridge.”
    “That’s why you have to beat Al?”
    I don’t know. “I think so.”
    “I’m a kid from Sturbridge,” she says. Her voice is gentle, but firm. “I want to win a state title, too. I plan to. But for me.”
    “Yeah.” I bite down on my lip. I haven’t talked this much to a girl in my life. “I don’t mean nothing bad by this, but … you’re not really from here. Not like I am.”
    “I know,” she says. “But you don’t have a chain around your leg, either. I like it here, Ben. But this is a pretty small pond.”
    She brings her fist down gently on my hand, then grabs her purse and gets up to go to the bathroom. I turn as inconspicuously as I can to watch her walk away, and I see that the basketball players are watching her, too. One of them—Damon Henderson, the point guard—gives me a sly smile. He waits a few seconds to make sure she’s out of earshot, then he points toward the bathroom door and gives me a raised-fist salute. I laugh, a little embarrassed but glad to have been seen with her.
    She takes my arm on the way out and I can smell her toothpaste. I’m feeling pretty good about things. I go around and open the car door for her, then pull out to Route 6. We’re turning left, but I look the other way to check traffic and of course I can see the Mobil station up there. I’m torn for just a second, maybe even guilty, but I don’t even know that girl’s name.
    Kim slides toward me just a little to turn on the radio, but then she stays there after it comes on.
    I think I’m falling in love, but I’m not sure with who. Maybe just with the idea of it all.

Guys I’m certain my mother has slept with:
    my father
    Guys I’m not sure about:
    somebody