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pondered Margaret’s words. Had the Lord sent her sister in with that piece of news about Roland for a reason? Was He intending for her to spend some time thinking about other beaus?
    If that was the case, what was she going to do about Joshua? And her parents? They always talked about what a gut daughter she was because she’d never caused them trouble.
    She’d never experimented with English ways like others did during their rumspringa . She’d already been baptized…she’d been eager to join the church.
    She’d been eager to marry Joshua and start her life with him.
    But now things seemed so jumbled that she fretted she was about to disappoint a great many people.
    And maybe even God himself.

Chapter 4
    Being homeschooled was boring. It was also really hard, if no matter how hard you tried, you still couldn’t do Algebra II. Frustrated, Lilly called out, “Mom, I just don’t understand what I’m supposed to do with this algebraic equation.”
    Her mom looked up from the mail she was sorting. “Don’t ask me. I stopped being able to help you after sixth grade.”
    “But I need to get it done. I’m so far behind.”
    “Charlie will help you when he gets home from work.”
    “But he’s not going to want to help. You know he won’t.” Tentatively, she said, “Maybe I should just go to the local high school.”
    “In your condition? I don’t think so.”
    “I’m pregnant, Mom. I don’t have the flu. It’s not catching.”
    Her mother’s expression tightened. “Don’t joke about this. Believe me, dear, you don’t want to be the focus of all that gossip.”
    Lilly had started thinking that even facing gossip would be better than spending every single day alone. “Joking about it is pretty much all I can do. Everyone in this house likes to pretend I’m not pregnant.”
    “We just don’t want to dwell on something that can’t be changed.” Pushing the pile of magazines and bills aside, her mother turned to face her directly. “That reminds me, have you been looking at the notebook the adoption agency brought over?”
    “No.” Lilly hated that notebook. It was filled with sweet letters to both her and her baby, telling all about how much every family wanted a baby. How much they wanted her baby.
    How they wanted her to choose them. To get to know them. Let them take her out for coffee or ice cream. To see the nursery they already had decorated.
    All of it gave her the willies.
    “Ms. Vonn from the adoption agency will be by at the end of the week. She’s a busy lady and is going to expect some answers. You really ought to narrow the choices.”
    “I know.”
    After leveling a slow look her way, her mom nodded. “Good. I’m glad you know that.”
    Lilly stared at her math book again. Even looking at that was better than meeting her mother’s demanding gaze.
    Her mom stood up and carried the mail to a basket. As always, everything had a place in the kitchen. She looked over her shoulder. “After, uh, everything…we’ll be able to start picking out a college for you. Just like we did for Charlie. Then, next thing you know, you’ll be thinking about college classes and maybe even a dorm and roommates. Everything’s going to be terrific then.”
    Because then her parents will have been able to forget that she’d ever been pregnant at all.
    And though she’d regretted saying yes to Alec instead of saving herself for marriage, she had come to terms with the baby growing inside of her. She’d already started to love it. “Mom, what if maybe I don’t want to give the baby up?”
    “That’s not even open for discussion.” In three short steps, her mother pulled on yellow gloves and took hold of a frying pan that had been soaking. “We already decided you would,” she said over the scrubbing.
    “Maybe I changed my mind.” When her mother paused in mid-scrub, Lilly tilted her head up. “Maybe I don’t want to hand my baby over to strangers.”
    The pan clattered in the sink.