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myself, hoping to make it all go away. But it was too late.
    Closing my eyes to rinse my face , I smiled at the image of the crystal blue eyes that once looked at me with deep appreciation. I opened my eyes again and wondered what the hell I was doing. I would certainly regret this in the morning.
    The one thing I was certain of, without a doubt, was that Declan still had possession of my heart. What a thief he was.
    Standing there in the shower, I closed my eyes again. Declan was there waiting as always.  As I laid my head against the shower wall and I imagined that, instead, I’d laid it over his heart. In the steam of the shower that surrounded me, I imagined it was his arms that embraced me.  Nothing was said—just pure, soft, and soothing unconditional love. I lost track of how long I was standing there like I always did when Declan held me like this. It was only when the hot water started to run cold that reality began to sink in. So I pulled myself from my imagination and got out of the shower. As I got dressed and put myself to bed, I couldn’t help but send a silent prayer to whoever was listening. I hoped they’d go easy on me tonight.
     
     
     
     
    Remembrance
     
    I’m in my old room and Dec lan is standing on the balcony. He’s bare-footed, wearing his worn jeans and a light blue and white button down shirt that was left unbuttoned. He looks to have just gotten out of the shower, because his dark hair was wet. He turned to me and held out his hand for me to join him and I do what he silently asks. He pulls me into his arms and I lay my head on his chest and we begin swaying to the music he has playing in the background.  John Mayer’s “Do You Know Me” is playing. Declan’s arms tighten around my waist, probably to make sure I’m not too cold. I’m wearing only a cami with pajama shorts.
    He rests his head on top of mine and lets out a sigh. We remain like that way under the moon, just swaying to the music. I glance at us in the mirror inside my room save the image of us to memory. And I notice something. I’m my old self—blonde without any colors and no tattoos.  Thinking to myself, I wonder if I want him to see what I look like now.
    Then he spoke to me with that swe et voice that loves to haunt me. “Why can’t it always be like this with us? Why are we always fighting?” He kisses the top of my head.
    “I don’t know why. Maybe because you left me and I’m still broken.” I’m too afraid to look at him.
    “I’m here now. I miss this.” He must have felt the chills and now thinks I’m cold, because he begins to rub my back and tighten his grip on me.
    “I’ ve missed you so much it hurts. I’m lonely, and even though it’s because of you leaving, I haven’t the energy to be mad.” I now tighten my grip on him.
    “I know you don’t want to hear this , but you need to move on.” His whole body stiffens, waiting for the wrath that might follow.
    “I know, but it’s too hard. I try, but no one is…you.” Unwillingly, I begin to cry.
    “No one will be me , just like no one will be you.” He stops swaying and I look up at him.
    “Declan , do you miss me?” I have never been so scared to hear an answer.
    “More than you will ever know.” He smoothes my hair and caresses my cheek.
    “Then why? Why did you leave and why won’t you come back?” I start to get desperate.
    “Sloane , there are things you don’t know about me. You have to know that the times spent with you were the best times of my life. I keep it all locked away here.” He points to his heart.
    “That’s not good enough,” I say, shaking my head.
    “I know , but that’s all I have to give.”
    “I don’t want to fight. I’ve spent the last three years fighting with you and tonight I just want you to hold me. Is that too much to ask?”
    “No, it isn’t. Do you want to talk about it? Is it another guy?” Declan manages to get us swaying again.
    “Two , actually.” We stop for a moment,