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another splitting headache and it felt like I’d been crying for hours. And then I remembered yesterday with Carter. I stumbled into the bathroom and turned on the shower to try and wash away the memory of yesterday. I still wanted to talk to Carter more than anything;  I wanted things to go back to how they were, although how they were was still fucked up. But  I missed him. And then I remembered that today was Friday, and we were supposed to be going to Aspen today. My heart clenched and fresh tears streamed down my face. 
    I finished washing my hair and then dressed in a pair of worn jeans and my slouchy UMASS sweatshirt. I pulled out my bag to boot my laptop and check emails when I found my phone and remembered that I’d turned it off. I knew there would be a barrage of missed calls and messages from Carter, and  I knew I would be hopeless to resist. I flipped on my phone and found 22 missed calls and 17 texts from him. I sat cross legged on my bed and began to flip through the messages. They'd started yesterday afternoon and gone on all through the night. They went from worried, to demanding, until finally the most recent texts from the wee hours of the morning were angry. At that moment I knew there was no way I would have the heart to listen to any of his voicemails, so I deleted them all. Maybe we both needed time to calm down. Maybe I was wrong to walk away without giving him a chance to explain, but I also knew that I got lost in Carter Morgan and I needed time to sort out what I wanted in my own head. I tossed my phone on the bed and opened my laptop in the hopes of getting work done.  
    At lunchtime I took a break from working and glanced at my phone to realize that Carter hadn't called all morning. I guess he'd gotten the message, whatever message I had intentionally or unintentionally given by not answering my phone. Part of me had been hoping he'd call, because in the back of my mind that meant he cared for me as much as I did for him. I laid back on the bed and curled into the fetal position, trying to forget the fact that  I should have been boarding a plane to spend a weekend alone with Carter. 

    Sunday morning I woke up from my third consecutive night of restless sleep. Carter hadn't called since he'd sent me those angry texts in the wee hours of Friday morning and I was more despondent than ever. Somehow, Carter had wormed his way into my life and my heart and I knew I wanted him to be there. But now that he'd had the few days away from me, maybe he'd figured out I wasn't worth it. Just as I thought my life would be easier without him, maybe he'd come to the same conclusion. My heart constricted at the thought. I stepped out of the shower and made the decision to call Carter that day to apologize for walking away from him, and to give him a chance to explain himself. It had become painfully obvious that there was a large gaping hole without Carter in my life. 
    I dressed in jeans and threw a tank top and my favorite cashmere cardigan on. I took the time to blow dry my hair and even put on a dusting of makeup. I wasn't getting ready for Carter so much as I was trying to boost my own confidence to talk to him. I felt ashamed for being a coward and leaving him without an explanation on Thursday. I had done the passive-aggressive thing by turning and leaving without letting him explain and it hadn't resolved anything. I brushed lip gloss on my lips in front of the mirror, took a deep breath and then headed for my phone. I searched through the recent calls and texts one more time to make sure he hadn't called me in the time since Friday morning and then dialed his number. 
    He didn't answer. I bit my lip wondering if I should leave a message. I decided against it. I didn't even know if I should bother calling again. He would see my name in the recent calls list on his phone. Should I bother texting? I ran out of my room to find Cate and get her advice. 
    I found her cross-legged on the couch with