Read When He Fell for Free Online Page A

again. And so I don’t. I tidy the kitchen a little more and I pack Josh’s lunch for tomorrow and leave it in the fridge. Lewis finishes his paperwork and then stretches out on the sofa to watch the news while I get ready for bed.
    At eleven I slip into Josh’s room to check on him. He is asleep, curled on his side in the fetal position, and when I bend closer I can see the streaks of dried tears on his cheeks that are still smooth and soft as a baby’s. I draw a quick, horrified breath at the thought of my child crying alone in the dark. I touch his head; his hair is soft beneath my fingers.
    Then I tiptoe out and go into our bedroom; Lewis is stripping down to his boxer shorts but even the sight of his well-muscled body, a body that takes my breath away even after twelve years of marriage, does not distract me.
    “Josh’s been crying,” I say quietly. Lewis glances at me, eyebrows raised.
    “How do you know? He’s asleep, isn’t he?”
    “Yes, but I could tell he’d been crying. I could see the tears dried on his cheeks.” A lump forms in my throat and I swallow hard. “Something’s really wrong, Lewis.”
    “Okay.” Lewis sits on the edge of the bed to take off his socks. “Something’s bothering him, obviously. We can talk to him in the morning.” He glances up at me. “But you know if he wanted to tell us, Jo, he would.”
    “You know Josh isn’t like that.”
    Lewis sighs. “You know it too, and yet you keep pushing him. He’s not going to talk if he doesn’t want to.”
    “He’s nine years old, Lewis. He doesn’t have the necessary tools to talk about his feelings.”
    “I don’t know what else we can do besides ask him in the morning.”
    I don’t either. I wish there was something more, something I could be sure of. When it comes to your children, you never know when you’re getting it right, and I am constantly terrified that I am getting it wrong.
    Maybe Lewis’s let-them-be hard knocks school of philosophy is better for your kids, I think as I slip under the covers. Maybe I’ve mothered Josh too much; maybe I’m smothering him.
    I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling, my stomach knotted with anxiety.
    I turn on my side and tuck my knees up to my chest like Josh had. Eventually I fall into a doze, only to waken a little when Lewis pulls me towards him and fits me snugly against the warm wall of his chest.
    He strokes my hair gently, his palm cradling my cheek. “It’ll be okay, Jo,” he whispers, and finally I relax into a deeper sleep.
    The next morning Josh is silent and a bit morose, and I react by being almost manically upbeat, as if I can jolly him into a good mood by sheer force of will. I push back my morning appointments so I can take him to school, and I make scrambled eggs and toast instead of the usual low-sugar cereal and fruit for breakfast. I even allow him a cup of hot chocolate, an unimaginable treat. He only drinks half of it.
    Lewis comes in as Josh is cutting his untouched toast into even pieces.
    “Hey, buddy,” he says lightly, resting a hand on Josh’s shoulder. I see Josh tense, and he gives Lewis a quick, searching look that I don’t understand. “How are you doing this morning?”
    “Fine.”
    “Do you mind if we go bowling another day?” Lewis asks, and Josh stares at him unblinkingly. I frown.
    “Bowling…?”
    “I was going to take Ben and Josh bowling,” Lewis explains. “After school. But I’ve got an appointment uptown.” He glances at Josh whose expression has not changed. I cannot read it at all. “That okay?”
    “Yeah.” The word is barely audible.
    “Everything’s okay with Ben, isn’t it?” Lewis asks, his voice deliberately light. “You guys haven’t argued or anything?”
    Josh’s eyes widen and I see his hands clench on his knife and fork. “No,” he says after a moment, but I feel as if he is hiding something. But why would Lewis think Josh and Ben had argued? Is that why he canceled their plans? What does he