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“Why him? Why can’t you talk to me?”
    “ His mom went through it. He can help me Jake.”
    “ And I can’t?”
    “ Jake, you do help me.”
    “ Then why aren’t you here? If I can help you so much, then why are you at your dad’s? Why are you coming up here to see some other guy if I can help you? If I can help you then why do you keep running away from me?”
    I don’t understand her logic. We lost our baby. We grieve over our baby. It was our baby. Before I could stop myself, the words were out of my mouth.
    “ Emily, you aren’t the only one who lost something here. That was my baby too. Why in the hell are you being so self-centered?”
    The silence spoke so loudly.
    “ Sweetness, I’m so sorry. This is hard for me too. It bothers me when you won’t let me help you.”
    “ Jake, I have to go.”
    No. Not that voice. Please tell me I didn’t just hear that same trembling voice I once heard when Emily’s mom called her. Damn it. Emily hung up before I could speak another word. I toss my phone across the room and head to the bathroom for a shower. Exhausted mentally and physically, I plan on going to bed immediately afterward.
    Hot water slides down my body and re-energizes me. Steam dances around my head and shoulders. Shifting left to right, it is as if somehow my cloudy mind is being pulled this way and that until all the knots are untangled. Thirty minutes later and I'm both squeaky clean and utterly alone as the empty apartment seems to grow into one big abandoned place.
    Tossing and turning. It is all I can do. My mind is weighed like a ton of bricks with those words I spoke to Emily. The sound of the front door opening and closing causes me to bolt up. Footsteps sound throughout the rooms and keys clack together as they are set on a surface.
    Just as I am about to get out of bed, Emily’s silhouette appears in the doorway of our bedroom. I reach over to turn on the light. My heart swells at the sight of her. A piece of it also cracks. Wearing pajamas, Emily moves forward to climb into bed. I can see that her eyes are puffy and red. My mouth opens, but Emily speaks first.
    “ I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, Jake. Sometimes, I feel good about life and other, times I wish it would end. I want to talk to you, I do. It’s so hard, though. It seems as if this is hardly affecting you, while I’m a train wreck. and I feel as if you wouldn’t understand. Kyle is showing me a different perspective that makes accepting this easier. And you keep making it harder.”
    Emily looks over at me from her seat on the edge of the bed. Worry fills her eyes and remorse fills my own.
    “ I’m so sorry, Sweetness. I guess it’s me who is being selfish. I want be the one helping you. Not Kyle.”
    “ Are you jealous,” she asks with a small smile.
    I chuckle and reply, “Only because I’m scared you are going to find someone better for you. Someone like Kyle.”

 
    7
    Emily
    Hearing that Jake is scared of losing me to Kyle is crazy. Sure, Kyle has an awesome personality and is cute, but he’s nothing compared to Jake. I scoot over to rest my head against Jake’s chest. Finally I feel at home as he wraps an arm around me, resting his hand on my hip.
    “ To me, accepting this means that I have to push the baby out of my mind. That is so unbelievably hard when I have to watch so many mothers come into Coffee Beans. I truly do want to talk to you about this Jake. But we’re both so busy. I hardly see you anymore much less have the time to really talk to you. Kyle says I have to take it day by day, but that’s tough. Everyday it’s as if life’s worst traits keep coming at me. I just want it to get better,” I finish quietly as I change my sitting position to bury my face in the crook of Jake’s neck.
    “ Sweetness,” Jake speaks and I can tell that he's trying to keep his calm. “I'm sorry, but that's bullshit. Instead going to see Kyle, you should have come to see me. Don't use us being