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him from the convention earnings. That one really confounded me, even looking back at it now. It wouldn’t be ridiculous to say that there were times where if I breathed wrong, he would get upset at me.
    That summer was when the physical abuse began in our relationship. One particularly vicious incident came during a convention weekend when I’d gone out to lunch with a friend of mine named Andy, who dressed like Paul Stanley, and was a local at the Kiss conventions while Dick was out of town. I got busted on that one, and the irony was two-fold in that. First, Andy HAD A GIRLFRIEND, and second, my mom was the one who busted me instead of Dick, but ended up telling him about it anyway. It was nice to know where her loyalties were. It may as well have been Dick though the way she tore Andy’s head off on the phone, accusing us of sleeping together and all sorts of nonsense, telling him I had a boyfriend, and in essence, defending Dick in the process.The worse part was that she told Dick about it when he got back from Chicago and concocted some paranoid story that I was sleeping with Andy, and Dick beat the LIVING SHIT out of me for that one. I ended up spending the night in the hospital, and I still blame my mother to this day for that, because I’d told her Andy was gay, and she still saw fit to let Dick know anyway. Of all the guys I dated, Dick was the worst, and yet he was the only one my mother accepted. After a while, it even seemed like she and he were conspiring together to keep me under one large thumb. If he wasn’t keeping his eye on me, my mom was, and would report back to him from time to time if she imagined something was up. And that’s just what it was, IMAGINATION.
    It’s still ironic to me that Dick was the only guy my mom was ever really cool with me dating, who turned out to be the worst guy she could have picked to endorse my going out with. He was the first guy she ever trusted me with, be it the TOY conventions we went away on, or even a trip to Cancun. While we were there, my mom even went as far as to take a day off of work, get on the bus, go into New Jersey, and enroll Dick in Community College classes he’d forgotten to register for. I think the fact that I thought she was actually going to accept a guy I brought home for once was among the reasons why I deemed it necessary to stay with Dick for as long as I did. My mom’s acceptance was very important to me, and in time, Dick’s was as well, in spite of how shitty both of them were to me for my efforts. I thought, perhaps if my mom approved of Dick, maybe she’d finally approve of me in the process. Unfortunately, for the most part, that hasn’t happened to this day. If my mother is reading this book, this will be the first time she learns about the nightmare that Dick Pelicanose put me through, and even then, I fear her reaction would be to criticize my judgment in men, not hers. The irony of that is she’s responsible for my lack of judgment where men were concerned when I started dating Dick because she’d never allowed me any room as a teenager to develop that skill like normal girls my age would have. It came to plague me in my relationship with Dick, and while I don’t blame her for it, that’s a luxury I don’t have to afford her. I choose to spare her that guilt, but hope in time she understands the role that lack of experience played in other decisions I’ve made in my life that have disappointed her.
    Anyway, during this same summer, I was still seeing a lot of Tommy, who didn’t know about Dick, and after a while, started to get a little suspicious as to why I wouldn’t go out with him exclusively. So I told him I was seeing someone. I can’t, to date, honestly say why I didn’t leave Dick for Tommy, who treated me worlds better. I guess deep down I was afraid of what Dick might have done to me physically, but more afraid of what Tommy might have done to Dick had he found out. Dick by this point was going out to