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A n n P a t c h e t t
    W h a t

    n o w ?
    D e s i g n e d b y C h i p K i d d Contents
    Begin Reading 1
    Postscript 84
    Photo Credits 100
    About the Author
    Other Books by Ann Patchett
    Credits
    Cover
    Copyright
    About the Publisher

    W h a t
    n o w ?

    t o A l l a n G u r g a n u s a n d A l i c e S t o n e I l c h m a n :

    Fr i e n d s , t e a c h e r s , r o l e m o d e l s

    W h a t

    n o w ?

    If all fairy tales begin “Once upon a time,” then all graduation speeches begin “When I was sitting where you are now.” We may not always say it, at least not in those exact words, but it’s what graduation speakers are thinking. We look out at the sea of you and think, Isn’t there some mistake? I should still be sitting there. I was that young fifteen minutes ago, I was that beautiful and lost. For me this feeling is compounded by the fact that Sarah Lawrence was my own alma mater. I 1

    look out at all these chairs lined up across Westlands lawn and I think, I slept on that lawn, I breathed that wisteria. I batted away those very same bees, or at least I batted away their progenitors. Time has a funny way of collapsing when you go back to a place you once loved. You find yourself thinking, I was kissed in that building, I climbed up that tree. This place hasn’t changed so terribly much, and so by an extension of logic I must not have changed much, either.
    But I have.
    That’s why I’m the graduation speaker.
    Think of me as Darwin sailing home on the Beagle . I went forth in the world just the way you are about to go forth, and I gathered up all the wondrous things I’ve seen; now I’ve brought them back to you. As the graduation speaker I’m the one with the wisdom, or at 2

    least that’s the assumption, but you as the graduates have something even better: you have youth, which, especially when you multiply it by several hundred, is a thing so fulgent it all but knocks the breath out of those of us who are up on the stage. I’d like to tell you to appreciate your youth, to stop and admire your own health and intelligence, but every writer has a cliché quota and I used up mine by saying, When I was sitting where you are now.
    ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
    When you leave this place, as you will in a couple of hours, be sure to come back.
    Coming back is the thing that enables you to see how all the dots in your life are con-nected, how one decision leads you to another, how one twist of fate, good or bad, 3

    brings you to a door that later takes you to another door, which, aided by several detours—
    long hallways and unforeseen stairwells—
    eventually puts you in the place you are now.
    Every choice lays down a trail of bread crumbs, so that when you look behind you there appears to be a very clear path that points straight to the place where you now stand. But when you look ahead there isn’t a bread crumb in sight—there are just a few shrubs, a bunch of trees, a handful of skittish woodland creatures. You glance from left to right and find no indication of which way you’re supposed to go. And so you stand there, sniffing at the wind, looking for direc-tional clues in the growth patterns of moss, and you think, What now?
    ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
    4

    The first time I reached that particular impasse in my life I was in high school, and the burning question concerning my future was where I was going to college. Every day I stood at the window watching for the mailman, and as soon as he had driven safely away (for some reason I thought it was important to conceal my eagerness from the mailman) I 5

    would dart out to the box and search for the documents that would determine my fate amongst the grocery store coupons, utility bills, and promotional fliers. But not a single envelope bore my name. It seemed in those days the world only had one question for me, and it was not, How are you feeling? or What is the state of your soul? or What is it you want from life? No, the only thing anyone asked me back then was,