Read Welcome to the Real World for Free Online Page A

bacon grease on your chin,' Evan David tells me. He points at the place with a slight grimace.

    'Oh.' I rub frantically at it. 'Sorry. Sorry.'

    He laughs and walks out of the room.

    'Bloody hell,' Dermuid says, staring after him in astonishment.

    'What?'

    'Someone must have slipped him some happy pills,' he says as he clears away the plates. 'I've never ever seen him laugh at breakfast.'

Nine

    D erek Kendal put the key in the lock and gingerly eased open his own front door. 'Hello, darlin',' he shouted tentatively.
    The saucepan hit the wood frame and bounced at his feet. Derek flinched. He raised his voice slightly. 'It's only me.'

    One of Amy's best teacups followed the same trajectory as the saucepan. As Derek ducked behind the door, there was an unhealthy thunk, and shards of china showered the hall carpet. He was stunned. It was years since his wife had last thrown crockery at him.

    Derek put his arm up to protect himself. He didn't really want to be here at all. Amy clearly needed a few more days to calm down, but there'd be hell to pay if he had to tell Fern that he hadn't been home and tried to put things right today. It was hard to tell who he was most afraid ofhis wife or his daughter. Derek shook his head. He'd spent his entire life surrounded by stroppy women who bossed him around. No wonder he needed to take a strong drink every now and again. Steeling himself, he risked another peep into his home. 'I just want to talk.'

    'That's all you ever want to do,' Amy spat in return. 'What I want to see now is some action, Del. That's what speaks louder than words.'

    Amy's action was to hurl another cup at him, which Derek barely managed to dodge. If only the England cricket team had such a good fast bowler, he thought, then they might not be in the trouble they were.

    She was standing in the kitchen, arms folded, another domestic missile clutched in her in hand, all five feet of her looking as ferocious as Queen Boadicea. His heart squeezed at the sight of his red-faced, tight-lipped wife. She'd been a good woman over the years, and even he had to admit that he'd been a less-than-perfect husband. His indiscretions, to his mind, had all been small scaletoo many hours spent in the pub, too many pounds spent on useless gee-gees, too many meaningless flirtations that required him to stay out all night.

    They'd had their difficulties over the years. In fact, most of their marriage had been conducted in some sort of adversity. So why had she decided to throw him out now? If anything, he'd mellowed over the last few years, or at least, not got any worse. So why now? Why on earth now? What had been the straw that broke the camel's back? He'd better not ask Amy thatshe wouldn't like being compared to a camel. She'd been through the menopause, he was sure. She was long finished with all that HRT stuff, so it couldn't be blamed on that.

    They'd celebrated their fortieth anniversary last yearin style, with two weeks in Marbella. Had a great time. Barely an argument. Shouldn't they now be looking forward to growing old together? He was due to retire in a couple of years. Then they could have some fundays out and the like. Take Nathan, too. Brighton was always niceshe'd like that. And what would happen after that, when they were too ancient to go trotting round the country on picnics, if they were to split up? Who'd look after him in his old age if it wasn't Amy?

    Neighbours were starting to gather on the landing. Derek waved at them, genially. Bloody nosy parkers. Mrs Leeson was always the first out for an eyeful if there was any sort of conflagration going on. Her cigarette quivered with excitement on her lip and she leaned towards him. Derek shuffled farther inside the door.

    'Can't I come in, love?' he pleaded. 'People are starting to look.'

    'Let them look.'

    'What is it I'm supposed to have done?'

    'If you don't know that, then it's pointless us having this conversation.'

    He banged his head on the door frame.