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seeing
her hopeful stare. “If Christi won’t feed you this morning, I guess
it’s up to me.”
    He pulled on the work gloves and wheeled over
to the pile of hay bales in the corner. Dragging one off the stack,
he was surprised by how easy it was to lift. But, he suddenly
realized, why wouldn’t it be easy to lift?
If he could lift his almost two hundred pounds with his arm and
shoulder muscles, why would a bale of hay be too heavy?
    He hoisted the bale onto his lap and wheeled
it across the barn, where he flipped it into Muffin’s feed trough
then cut and removed the wires holding the bale together. He moved
another hay bale into Beauregard’s trough then checked the feeders
outside. Yep, they were empty too. It took several trips into and
out of the pen, but soon the three very pregnant heifers there were
also fed.
    As he returned to the house, Tommy detoured
by his pickup truck and looked speculatively at the bed and the
tailgate. If Christi backed the truck up to the front porch, he
would be able to lift himself from the wheelchair to the back of
the truck and, maybe, just maybe, with some kind of back support
system, he could sit back there and toss the hay bales out into the
pasture for her when she put out feed. That would cut feeding time
in half, and she wouldn’t have to struggle to lift the heavy
things.
    She was waiting on the porch for him with a
cup of coffee.
    “It’s so late,” she said, “I thought we’d
just make lunch in a few minutes. How’d you do?”
    Tommy shrugged. “Everybody’s fed.” He started
to add something about helping her from inside the truck after
today, but he stopped when he saw her expression.
    She handed him the coffee she’d brought him
and sipped some of her own. “Tommy, we need to talk.”
    Here it comes , Tommy
thought, and his heart dropped into his feet. She was going to tell
him that they were over, that she wanted a man in her bed that
could make real love to her and not a pale
imitation of it.
    “I know, and I’m really sorry,” he mumbled.
“I’m sorry it wasn’t any better for you.” He cursed the tears he
felt forming in his eyes, because he’d be damned if he would cry in
front of her again.
    “Uh, what?” Christi asked, sounding genuinely
baffled. “You’re sorry about what?”
    “Last night,” Tommy said. “I’m sorry the
lovemaking wasn’t any better. That’s what you wanted to talk about,
isn’t it?”
    “No, I wanted to talk about where to get the
money to put hand controls on the vehicles so you can get back out
on the road. We’re going to have to borrow it. Tommy, why in the
hell are you apologizing for the lovemaking last night? Last night
was wonderful! Or…” She looked at him anxiously. “Was it lousy for
you?”
    “God, no, it wasn’t lousy for me!” Tommy
sputtered. “Good God, to have you back in my arms again, to feel
you against me, to hear those little noises you make in the back of
your throat when you’re coming…. You don’t know how happy that made
me.” He reached out and took her hand. “I just wish it had been
better for you.”
    “Tommy, were we in the same bed last night?
Because I thought it was pretty damned excellent. You didn’t know
if you could even do it, and you did, Tommy. You made love to me. For the first time in so very
long.”
    Tommy was surprised to see tears glistening
in her eyes.
    “How could it have been wonderful?” he asked.
“Yeah, sure, I ‘made love to you.’” Frustrated, he shoved his
fingers through his hair. “I got it up once , Christi, and then it took forever before I could
come. Pretty lame, since I used to be able to do it two or three
times. Hell yeah, it felt great, and I’m so relieved I can at least
do something, but it had to have disappointed you. I mean, compared
to what I could do before. I tried… I feel… Jesus, Christi, what’s
so damn funny?” he asked indignantly when Christi started to
laugh.
    “Oh, Tommy, you have to be something