War on Whimsy

Read War on Whimsy for Free Online

Book: Read War on Whimsy for Free Online
Authors: Liane Moriarty
her scaly skin, she might have been quite attractive.
    â€œMrs. Mary Ellen Mania,” said XYZ40.“After winning the presidency, Mrs. Mania gave a very persuasive speech about how the Planet of Whimsy was actually part of Volcomanian territory and should be under their rule. She sent in the troops the following week. Once Whimsy surrenders and is under Volcomanian rule, she wants the people to work in artistic factories where they’ll have a certain quota of paintings or symphonies to produce every week. They’ll receive a wage and according to Mrs. Mania, they can ‘finally start to act like grown-ups.’ No more lying around in meadows staring at the sky. Also, they’ll have to start farming on the weekends.”
    â€œOh, those poor people,” said Katie.
    â€œIs the Planet of Whimsy fighting back?” asked Sean.
    â€œWell, they’re very upset but, the thing is, they’re not actually very good at war. They don’t have an army. In fact, they didn’t even have a president. They’d forgotten to reelect one after the last president resigned. When the war began, they very hurriedly put this man in charge.”
    A picture appeared of a fair-haired man wearing a beret and a paint-splattered smock.
    â€œThis is Henry Sweet,” said XYZ40. “He’s a very good artist, but a terrible president. Not surprisingly, Volcomania is currently winning the War on Whimsy. The only reason they haven’t managed to wrap it up in under a week is because of the time it takes to transport weapons, troops, and provisions through the Underground Sea. They’ve had to leave many of their bigger cannons and tanks behind because they can’t fit them through the sea. Here is some of the damage the Volcomanian army has done so far.”
    Picture after picture of terrible sights appeared on the screen.
    A meadow of flowers crushed by the heavy black boots of the Volcomanian army.
    Beautiful sculptures riddled with bullet holes.
    A family lying facedown on the ground, their hands over their heads, while their home burned behind them.
    A young girl sobbing over the burned remains of her harp.
    â€œNo wonder my parents are trying to help!” said Shimlara passionately. She turned to the king and queen. “Why aren’t you helping the Planet of Whimsy?”
    â€œOh, my dear, we have expressed our grave concern over Volcomania’s actions,” said the queen. “Every planet’s government has written a strongly worded letter to Mrs. Mania. I composed our letter myself. It took me a whole hour. I was exhausted, as you can imagine. People don’t appreciate how much work goes into being a royal.”
    â€œWhy hasn’t Globagaskar declared war on Volcomania?” asked Greta.
    â€œObviously, you wouldn’t understand this as a commoner and an Earthling, but that’s how galaxy wars begin,” said Princess Petronella condescendingly. “This is all much more complicated than you realize!”
    â€œSurely the United Aunts isn’t happy about this!” said Shimlara.
    â€œThe United Aunts has been loudly condemning Volcomania’s actions,” said XYZ40. “They’re extremely upset. In fact, they were about to hold a press conference an hour ago on the matter, but it was canceled at the last minute.”
    â€œPerhaps the United Aunts has been kidnapped, too,” said Shimlara.
    XYZ40 looked shocked. “Don’t be ridiculous. Something must have come up! Or perhaps the aunts are sick. They are quite elderly.”
    â€œHow could all of them be sick at the same time?” said Shimlara quietly.
    â€œIt does seem a little mysterious,” admitted XYZ40. “But no planet would dare kidnap the aunts!”
    â€œSo basically you are doing nothing about this war,” said Sean.
    The king yawned. “I really do need my nap.”
    The queen caressed her face. “My skin is just crying out for

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