approached and touched them, awestruck, as if he had found the holy grail twice. They embraced and fell in luxurious slow motion on to the bed, Sally on top. A part of his mind, like an accountant at an orgy, carefully recorded that she must have had the electric blanket on for some time. It was like making love in hot sand.
Everything went right. In the arrogance of his formidable erection, John knew that he was the scriptwriter for this scene. They passed through their initial clumsiness into a sweet harmony of movements, hands, mouths, legs moving as if they were part of the same being. When he went into her, she smiled with her mouth wide open and said, âOh yes, yes, yesâ. He was above her now and they were moving towards a meeting he knew he could arrange to the moment.
Then there was a hammering at the outside door, rather as if a yeti were paying a call. With a hand on either sideof her head, John paused and looked down at her and shook his head masterfully. He was renewing his purpose when the hammering came again and he heard the letter-box being lifted.
âSally!â
It sounded as if a Friesian bull had been taking a language course.
âSally! Ah know yeâre in there!â
The expression on Sallyâs face was like an ice-pack applied to Johnâs scrotum. It was the kind of look the heroine gives in a horror film when she knows the monster has her trapped.
âOh shite!â Sally said.
âSally! Open this door! If ye donât want it landinâ in the middle of yer loabby.â
âIgnore him,â John suggested unconvincingly.
âI canât, I canât,â Sally said.
John could see her point. It would have been like trying to ignore a hurricane as it blew you away. They had pulled apart from each other now and his penis, treacherous comrade, was already going into hiding. No fun, no me, it seemed to be saying. Suddenly, the atmosphere was that of an air-raid. They stared at each other, paralysed. When they spoke, they found they were whispering.
âWho is he?â John mouthed, as if they had time for biographical notes.
âSally!â
âAlec Manson. Heâs stone mad.â
The news didnât encourage John in the plan he had been vaguely forming â to pull on his trousers and go to the door. It occurred to him that if Alec Manson happened to be shouting through the letter-box at the time John would probably be blown back along the hall. His nakedness felt very naked.
âWhat does he do !â John whispered, not sure himself why he was asking. Was he thinking of pulling rank?
âHeâs a bouncer in âThe Barley Bree Barâ.â
Johnâs eyes disappeared briefly under his eyelids. It was roughly equivalent to being told that Alec Manson charged a pack of dingoes protection money. John had only been in âThe Barley Breeâ twice in his life and he tended to talk of the occasions the way an explorer might talk about the Amazon Basin. It was regarded as being the roughest pub in Graithnock and that made it very rough. âIf you donât have ten previous convictions, yeâre barred,â someone had once told him. But, he told himself, a manâs got to offer to do what a manâs terrified to do.
âYou want me to see about this?â he quavered quietly.
âAh can see a light in there!â the voice was announcing to the immediate neighbourhood. âThereâs somebody in there.â
âOh my God, no!â
The panic the thought had engendered in Sally would have been unflattering in another situation. Here, with the guardian of âThe Barley Breeâ sending his voice along the hall like a flame-thrower, it seemed no more than a perfectly reasonable response, confirmation of the obvious.
âRight! We can do it the easy way or the hard way! With a handle or without a handle! Ahâm countin tae ten! One!â
It wasnât the kind of accomplishment
Guillermo Orsi, Nick Caistor