scene going on in the little church of dusk! And somewhere wars!
âWell,â to conclude, âyou know your sinâYouâll have to keep your patience the next timeâKeep well your idea, that you hurt his heart if not his bodyââadmiringlyââyouâve understood it yourself. I am certain,â he takes trouble to add in spite of an overburdened afternoon of work in there, âthat the Lord understands you.âAnd, there is something else you want to tell me.â
âYes my fatherââand this Gerard says feeling like a beast piling animality on animality,ââIâerââ he stammers, confuses, and blushes, and stops.
âIâm waiting, my little boy.â
Quickly Gerard whispers him the news about the urinal, Saturday Afternoon Confessions in St. Allâs had never heard a lurider admission it would seem from the stealth of his ps-psâes.
âAh, and did you touch his little dingdong?â ( Sa tite gidigne ).
Gerard: â Aw non !â glad he has a loophole and all because he never thought of it, mayhapâ
âWell,â sighing, âI have confidence in you my child that youâll never do it again. And something else? anything else?â
Gerard instantly remembers still another sin, forgotten until thenââI told the Sister I had studied my Catechism, and no I hadnt studied it.â
âAnd you didnt know it?â
âYes I knew it, but from another time, I remembered.â
(âAh, thatâs no sin,â thinks the Priest) and closes up accounts with: âVery well, thatâs all? Well then, say your rosary and fifteen Hail Maryâs.â
âYes my father.â
The gracious slide door slides, Gerard is facing the good happy wood, he runs out and hurries lightfoot to the altar, fit to singâ
Itâs all over! It was nothing! Heâs pure again!
He prays and bathes in prayers of gratitude at the white rail near the blood red carpet that runs to the stainless altar of white-and-gold, he clasps little hands over leaned elbows with hallelujahs in his eyesâTo be God, and toâve seen his eyes, looking up at my altar, with that beholding bliss, all because of some easy remission of mine, were hells of guilt Iâd sayâBut God is merciful and God above all is kind, and kind is kind, and kindness is all, and it all works out that the mortal angel at the altar rail as the church hour roars with empty silence (everybody gone now, including the last priest, Gerardâs priest) is bathed in blisskindness whether it would be pointed out or not that other easier ways might do the job as well, which may be doubtful, snow being snow, divinity divinity, holiness holiness, believing believing.
All alone at the rail he suddenly becomes conscious of the intense roaring of the silence, it fills his every ear and seems to permeate throughout the marble and the flowers and the darkening flickering air with the same pure hush transparencyâThe heaven heard sound for sure, hard as a diamond, empty as a diamond, bright as a diamondâLike unceasing compassion its continual near-at-hand sea-wash and solace, some subtle solace intended to teach some subtler reward than the one weâve printed and that for which the architects raised.
Enveloped in peaceful joy, my little brother hurries out the empty church and goes running and skampering home to supper thru raw marched streets.
âDid you go to your confession, Lil Gerard?â
â Oui .â
âCome eat, my golden angel, my pitou , my lil Mamaâs cabbage.â
Iâm sitting stupidly at a bed-end in a dark room realizing my Gerard is home, my mouthâs been open in awe an hour you might think the way itâs sorta slobbered and run down my cheeks, I look down to discover my hands upturned and loose on my knees, the utter disjointed inexistence of my bliss.
Me too Iâd been hearing the