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“I think he got a look at your face and decided we should talk.”
    â€œCould be. Should we?”
    â€œHalf of me says yes, the other half says to hell with it.”
    I had to smile. “Me, too.”
    â€œWell?”
    â€œWell. Well, well. Well, so far I’ve asked you to marry me several dozen times and you always say not yet. Now you’re going away for a month to find out what you want to do with your life. If you decide to go to medical school, you’ll be gone for years and I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t come back at all. If you decide not to go to medical school, you still might not come back. I want you to do what you want to do, but I don’t like the idea of being out of your life. That’s it, I think. I don’t want to be out of your life, but I think that’s the way you’re leaning. But if this is what you want, then I think you should do it. Life is too short to spend doing things you don’t want to do.”
    â€œYou sound bitter.”
    â€œI’m not bitter. I don’t like bitter people and I won’t be one. But I’ll miss you and I’m afraid you’ll leave the island forever. That doesn’t make me bitter, it makes me unhappy. But I’ve been unhappy before and gotten over it, so my unhappiness shouldn’t concern you . . .”
    We walked through the dimming light down the sandylane. “Look,” she said. “I’m almost thirty years old. I’m not a kid. I want things I don’t have. I want a normal family. I want a job that I can live with all my life. I love being a nurse, but why shouldn’t I be a doctor? I love being with you, but I want children . . .”
    â€œMarry me and you can have all the children you can handle. Or if you don’t want the marriage, you can still have the children . . .”
    She took my arm. “You don’t even have a job, Jefferson.”
    â€œI have a lot of jobs. I fish, I look after some houses . . .”
    â€œAnd you’re the envy of every man who works nine to five, but . . .”
    â€œBut what? Are you telling me I should start chasing bucks? Why? I’m doing just fine. I’ve never missed a meal.”
    â€œBut I’m not sure you’re really husband material. A husband has responsibilities. A husband has to make sure his kids grow up right . . .”
    â€œA role model?” I didn’t want to be a role model. One of the reasons I’d come to the Vineyard and lived like I did was because I was tired of being responsible for other people.
    â€œLook at you. You live in an old hunting camp on Martha’s Vineyard, you go fishing and shellfishing whenever you want, you grow a garden, you cook like a dream . . .”
    â€œI chase after you . . .”
    She squeezed my arm. “And you catch me, too. Anyway, you live this wonderful life of yours and it’s right for you. But I don’t know if it’s right for me or for a family . . .”
    â€œYou come by every now and then.”
    She didn’t miss a step. “You’re a terrific guy and a great lover and the best friend I have, but I’m not sure you’d be as good a husband and a father.”
    I tried to imagine being the father of her children. Itdidn’t seem to be a bad job. I wondered if I needed to change in order to be a father. I thought of my own father and wondered what he would think.
    â€œAnd there’s something else,” said Zee. “It has nothing to do with you, but it’s important. I’m tired of being somebody’s somebody. I want to be myself. When I was little, I was my parents’ daughter, then I was Paul’s girlfriend, then Paul’s fiancée, then Paul’s wife, then Paul’s ex-wife, then my Aunt Amelia’s niece, and now I’m your girlfriend. It’s not just that other