Read Vampire Taxonomy for Free Online Page A
Authors: Meredith Woerner
place of a Romantic Vampire, consider yourself lucky: You are obviously close enough to an immortal who not only trusts you but hasn’t killed you. (Luckily, you won’t have to sleep in there, as even Romantic Vamps aren’t particularly keen on sharing something as intimate as a coffin.)
Haunts
The undead world’s eternal lover is surprisingly easy to spot if you know where to go. Don’t waste your time on something as obvious as a “vampire bar” 29 —nothing turns off an immortal Romantic faster than poseur vamps.
Instead, check out cultural festivities on the cusp of society: rock concerts, hidden bars, cozy cafés, and other small venues. Think small, intimate, and cutting edge. Most Romantic Vampires have had decades to cultivate a specific taste for talent, so they know what will be the next big wave in art, literature, and music, and they flock to things of beauty like moths to a flame. Plus these are great places to meet others, and what’s sexier than running into a hundred-year-old expert on something you share an interest in?
On that same note, should the artist in question retain any of these physical traits and possess a moody demeanor, you may want to ask him how old he is. The common attitude and embrace of an avant-garde lifestyle allows the casual vampire to slip in every once in a while.
WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW CAN HURT YOU: UNSEEN ABILITIES
Heightened Senses
Like most creatures of the night, the Romantic Vampires are blessed with supremely acute senses. In fact, many vamps going through a Romantic lifestyle change use these abilities in more new and interesting ways than other classes do. No more stalking your prey with your excellent senses in the middle of the woods—now they can use their skills to stalk the perfect companion at a local haunt. Before you’ve even ordered a drink, Romantic Vampires are aware if you need something refreshing or warm by sensing your body temperature. They can hear what you’re murmuring to your friends and see your cheeks fill with blood when your eyes meet. The application of the heightened senses makes the social hunter completely prepared to meet your every whim. This, in turn, makes Romantic Vampires appear beyond perfect and exceptionally considerate, which is exactly what they want you to think.
Remember, just about everything is a scam to get you to be their new love slave or companion. The things you may consider advantageous upon a new encounter will later come back to bite you in the rear. Imagine having a companion who can track your every desire, even when you don’t want him to— annoying is hardly the word when you’re deflecting a full-blown jealousy attack for merely blushing at a stranger’s compliment.
Pheromones
Like humans, vampires are capable of emitting a smell that will attract and allure others to their side. Should you get a nose full of undead Romantic Vamp pheromones, remain calm; step away and take deep breaths. By all means, resist the urge to dance with the pale creature giving you bedroom eyes from across that room. Dancing with Romantic Vampires is the ultimate act of seductive intimacy, yet they never seem to take into consideration their desired conquest’s feelings on the matter. The pursuer will delight in making you his musical puppet, picking you up and twirling you around, or, worse, busting out a full-fledged choreographed dance-off in the middle of your high school prom. In fact, should you know there is a vampire after you, it’s best to avoid any sort of location where dancing will take place unless you want to become the unwilling pawn in a synchronized disco dance-off. There are multiple documentations of this happening, and it never looks as good as you think it does from the outside. 30
It’s with good self-awareness that Buffy ’s Angel claims he “doesn’t dance,” as nine out of ten vampires fail at the act, and the exceptions end up looking like blood-covered fools gyrating to Pump Panel
Haunts
The undead world’s eternal lover is surprisingly easy to spot if you know where to go. Don’t waste your time on something as obvious as a “vampire bar” 29 —nothing turns off an immortal Romantic faster than poseur vamps.
Instead, check out cultural festivities on the cusp of society: rock concerts, hidden bars, cozy cafés, and other small venues. Think small, intimate, and cutting edge. Most Romantic Vampires have had decades to cultivate a specific taste for talent, so they know what will be the next big wave in art, literature, and music, and they flock to things of beauty like moths to a flame. Plus these are great places to meet others, and what’s sexier than running into a hundred-year-old expert on something you share an interest in?
On that same note, should the artist in question retain any of these physical traits and possess a moody demeanor, you may want to ask him how old he is. The common attitude and embrace of an avant-garde lifestyle allows the casual vampire to slip in every once in a while.
WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW CAN HURT YOU: UNSEEN ABILITIES
Heightened Senses
Like most creatures of the night, the Romantic Vampires are blessed with supremely acute senses. In fact, many vamps going through a Romantic lifestyle change use these abilities in more new and interesting ways than other classes do. No more stalking your prey with your excellent senses in the middle of the woods—now they can use their skills to stalk the perfect companion at a local haunt. Before you’ve even ordered a drink, Romantic Vampires are aware if you need something refreshing or warm by sensing your body temperature. They can hear what you’re murmuring to your friends and see your cheeks fill with blood when your eyes meet. The application of the heightened senses makes the social hunter completely prepared to meet your every whim. This, in turn, makes Romantic Vampires appear beyond perfect and exceptionally considerate, which is exactly what they want you to think.
Remember, just about everything is a scam to get you to be their new love slave or companion. The things you may consider advantageous upon a new encounter will later come back to bite you in the rear. Imagine having a companion who can track your every desire, even when you don’t want him to— annoying is hardly the word when you’re deflecting a full-blown jealousy attack for merely blushing at a stranger’s compliment.
Pheromones
Like humans, vampires are capable of emitting a smell that will attract and allure others to their side. Should you get a nose full of undead Romantic Vamp pheromones, remain calm; step away and take deep breaths. By all means, resist the urge to dance with the pale creature giving you bedroom eyes from across that room. Dancing with Romantic Vampires is the ultimate act of seductive intimacy, yet they never seem to take into consideration their desired conquest’s feelings on the matter. The pursuer will delight in making you his musical puppet, picking you up and twirling you around, or, worse, busting out a full-fledged choreographed dance-off in the middle of your high school prom. In fact, should you know there is a vampire after you, it’s best to avoid any sort of location where dancing will take place unless you want to become the unwilling pawn in a synchronized disco dance-off. There are multiple documentations of this happening, and it never looks as good as you think it does from the outside. 30
It’s with good self-awareness that Buffy ’s Angel claims he “doesn’t dance,” as nine out of ten vampires fail at the act, and the exceptions end up looking like blood-covered fools gyrating to Pump Panel