Read Valentine Present and Other Diabolical Liberties for Free Online Page B

top for seven thousand pounds.’
          ‘B-b-bastards’, growls Alistair. ‘Just look at this place.’
          ‘Harry, don’t be so bloody ridiculous. You surely didn’t for one minute think we were doing that well did you? The restaurant has been losing money from day one. I’ve been borrowing money left, right and centre, and now Jack Diamond wants his pound of flesh. He’s taken my van. God Harry, I really thought they were going to cut out my tongue.’
          ‘Your tongue? But I thought it was your ear?’ I say and find myself thinking how useful it would have been if it had been his kidney. At least we could have sold that. Oh that’s terrible, what am I thinking?
          ‘And who the hell is Jack Diamond?’ I ask.
    H e sounds like something out of The Krays.
          ‘They were going to do both. Jack Diamond is a nutter. I didn’t know he was a bloody East End gangster when I took out the loan. Oh Christ Harry, they want thirty thousand pounds in twenty-four hours.’
    I stop breathing. I can barely raise thirty pounds in twenty -four hours, let alone thirty thousand.
          ‘How much? For God’s sake Julian, what were you thinking of borrowing money from loan sharks. I don’t believe this. What are we going to do?’ I say, falling onto the couch and accidentally clicking on the vibrator.
          ‘Shit,’ I mumble, fumbling to turn it off with shaky hands. Any other time the bloody thing won’t work. Isn’t it just Sod’s Law? However, I don’t think with Julian’s body parts being under extreme threat it is quite the time for an earth-shattering orgasm. I sigh, realising my attempts to switch the damn thing off are only making it vibrate faster.
          ‘I can’t come home yet can I? Unless you want them to cut off my ear,’ he says petulantly. ‘And I’m never going to be able to raise that kind of cash in twenty-four hours.’
          ‘Of course I don’t want that. I like your ears. What will we do then? What about the restaurant?’
          ‘I need to sort things out. Don’t worry. They won’t hurt you, some gangster code of honour they told me.’
    Oh well, that’s comforting. They don’t mind smashing up my home and going through my undies drawers or threatening to cut off bits of my boyfriend’s body parts but they’ll leave me alone. I wince at the sound of gears crunching. What does he mean , don’t worry? Is he serious? My flat is totally wrecked. I have men threatening to cut off bits of my boyfriend’s body and they’re not even offering to pay for them. The Pooch is being throttled to death and my best friend is overdosing on Valium as we speak. I’m totally broke, apart from my tuition savings of course. Oh God, the savings. I drop the mobile with a clatter and dive into the kitchen, stepping over bits of broken crockery. A birthday cake sits on the table, a huge slice out of it and what looks like a shopping list at the side of it. I pull the lid off the biscuit tin and stare into the empty barrel. The bastards have taken my savings and eaten my birthday cake. I snatch up the shopping list and read it.
          Two chicken breasts, a tin of tomatoes and a pint of milk.
    What the hell? If Julian thinks he can leave a bleeding shopping list before buggering off then he can think again. I turn it over and feel my blood curdle as I read the words in red ink.
          ‘24 hours punk and I’m not talking the TV series.’
    I pick up the mobile miserably but Julian has gone.
          ‘They’ve eaten my birthday cake,’ I say tearfully, ‘and they’ve taken the money for my studies, and they're threatening to cut off his tongue and his ear.’
    Fiona gasps.
          ‘Zip your bloody flies up Alistair for Christ’s sake, who knows what they’ll chop off if they come back.’
    I sit holding the buzzing vibrator and wonder what on earth I am going to do. I feel like I’m in The Valentine’s