to get out of here to figure out what’s going on. I toss my beer bottle in the trash and follow the same path that Alex did over to Malcolm and his family. I say goodbye and thank them for inviting me. I can’t get to my Rover fast enough. All of a sudden, I don’t feel all that well. I’m starting to sweat, and I feel my heart rate starting to pick up. Once I’ve hopped into my car, I pull out of the parking lot as fast as I can. My thoughts are all jumbled. Maybe Alex is right and I am a total fucking asshole. Fuck, fuck, fuck…
The sun is just starting to set when I finally pull to a stop. I don’t remember deciding to drive to my parents’ place or how I wound up here. I stare up of the house that holds so many fond memories for me. This home was filled with so much love when I was growing up. Like a reel projecting in my head, all of my childhood memories flash through my mind: my dad tossing the football around with me in the front yard, my sisters and I running around playing tag, falling on the sidewalk and skinning my knees when I learned to ride my bike. I remember my dad telling me that it was okay to not get it right the first time but to never give up. My parents have always been there for me. No matter what. I’d known that I could always count on them. If I were ever to be a father, I would want my child to feel the same sense of security I had growing up.
Thoughts swirl around so fast in my head that I can’t make sense of them. I don’t know what I think anymore. Old habits die hard, and I’m so used to people always trying to use me that that was my first assumption. It’s not as though this is the first time I’ve found myself in this situation. Why couldn’t Ashley have just told me what had happened when it happened? I just don’t understand her logic… And Google? What sane person follows medical advice from the Internet? Her choices still don’t make sense to me, and they made me suspicious. I can’t make heads or tails of anything right now, I’m pretty sure my subconscious has driven me here for a reason, even if I’m not sure what it is. Regardless, I’m not ready to talk about this with my parents yet, so I drive home, resolving to sleep on things
“Sammy, please go slow. Watch where you’re running,” a very familiar voice says behind me.
I turn toward it just as a little body slams into my legs, making me stumble.
“Sammy, be careful. I told you to slow down. I’m sorry, sir.” The woman pulls her eyes from the little boy who’s trying to right himself at my feet and looks at me.
I’m frozen as I stare into the blue eyes I could never forget.
“Ashley.” I gasp.
“Tanner.”
There’s a slight tug on the leg of my pants, and I look down to see a smaller version of myself. It feels as if I’m looking at myself twenty-five years younger.
“S’cuse me. Are you my daddy?”
“Sammy, come on. Let’s go. Let’s leave this man alone.” She scrambles to grab the child’s arm, but I’m faster.
“Yes, I believe I am.”
“If you’re my daddy, why didn’t you want me? My mommy says I don’t have a daddy like everyone else because he didn’t want me. Why didn’t you want me? Why don’t you love me like the other daddies?”
I stand there, feeling as though someone has just ripped my heart out and stomped all over it. I can’t formulate an answer for this beautiful little boy because I don’t have one that will ever be good enough.
I look at Ashley and see tears streaming down her face.
“Let’s go, sweetheart. This man isn’t your daddy. You don’t have a daddy, but don’t worry. Mommy loves you enough for both a mommy and a daddy.”
And just like that, they disappear.
I wake up from that nightmare covered in sweat, shaking violently. I need to fix this. I need to get to Ashley. I can’t have that dream become my reality.
Chapter 4
Tanner
I look around as I try to catch my breath. It was a fucking dream. I keep