didn’t want you...”
“That’s what you said when I confessed my deepest feelings for you. You told me to move on and not wait around. But when I do you get upset. Alaska, what the hell do you want? Do you want to be with me?” He stared me down, waiting for me to answer.
I thought about my grandmother and what he did for her. “You took care of my grandmother…”
He cocked an eyebrow. “Sorry, what?”
“Your patient…she’s my grandmother.”
“Mrs. Patelo?”
I nodded.
He was quiet for a while. He seemed to be thinking about something, reliving the past. “I guess that make sense.”
“She loves you.”
“Well, I love her too.”
I crossed my arms over my chest and looked down. The fact he had my grandmother’s approval made me trust him more. She held him in high regard, and they obviously had a special relationship.
“Alaska?”
“What?” I still didn’t look at him.
“What do you want from me?”
I knew exactly what I wanted. “Do you even want me anymore…?” If he was with other girls, then his feelings for me must be different.
His eyes softened. “That’s a stupid question, Alaska. You’re the only woman I’ve ever really cared about. That will never change.”
The knot in my throat was starting to lessen. “I’m scared to get hurt…”
“I know.”
“But I don’t want you to see anyone else.”
“Okay. Can I see you?”
“I…I don’t know.”
He smirked. “This doesn’t sound complicated at all.”
I wasn’t in the mood for jokes.
He came closer to me then stared me down. “You aren’t the only one risking heartache. Don’t forget that. If you want to be with me, tell me. Don’t beat around the bush and don’t be unsure. Tell me what you want.”
Feeling him stand so close to me made my hair stand on end. “I…I want to be with you but…I need to go slow.”
“I don’t have a problem with that.”
“I don’t want you to see anyone else but me.”
“Consider it done. And I want the same from you.”
That was never an issue.
He dropped his bag on the floor. The sound of it hitting the tile made my breathing hitch. His hands gripped my wrists and pulled them down to my sides. Then he moved his hands to my hips. “You know what I’ve wanted for a long time?”
The blood pounded in my ears. My body was suddenly on fire. Feeling him touch me was what I longed for. I couldn’t count all the nights I thought about him, missing him. “What?” My voice cracked.
His hands moved around my waist and he pulled me closer to him. “A hug.”
That wasn’t what I expected. But when I thought about it, I realized we’d never done that before. Even the night of the showcase all he did was hold my hand. The closest we’d ever been was when he pressed me against his door and kissed me. We skipped all the bases and immediately went for home plate. But now we were backtracking.
He closed the remaining distance between us and pulled me to his chest. He was a foot taller then me, and my head reached his shoulder. I pressed my face against his chest, breathing in his scent. His arms stayed around my waist, and one hand rested on the dip of my back. He pressed his face into my neck and took a deep breath, his warm breath hitting my skin. I moved my arms around his neck and let myself relax. He was finally in my arms. He was finally mine.
I wanted to stay like this forever, just let him hold me in the lobby of our building. When I thought of him sleeping with my sister, it made me sick. But my desire for him was greater. I didn’t want to lose him. I was just happy I wasn’t too late. This conversation could have gone much differently.
After several minutes of silence, he pulled away. “Come over.”
“Okay.” I didn’t think twice about it.
He grabbed his bag and we walked hand in hand to his apartment. His place was perfectly clean like it usually was. When I passed his bedroom, I imagined my sister on those sheets and it made me hate