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to say anything, love.” I say love in the most sarcastic, hurtful way I can. “Your silence says it all. Whatever it is you’re both keeping from me….” I swing my head to LT, and I pin him with my anger filled eyes. “…I hope it’s worth it.”
    LT speaks before I turn around to leave. “Roxy, please…”
    Pointing my finger at him, I lash out. “No! You don’t get to talk now. I gave you the chance when I asked you. You should have answered me then!”
    Cody reaches out to me, but I shrug him off. I walk away from the only person I’ve given my heart to. What kills the hope that sprouts like a mushroom in my heart, is knowing that the person who broke that trust is the very person that I love with all my heart.
    I know, love can heal most any hurt, but trust is vital in making love last a lifetime. How can ours last if trust has been decimated to oblivion? Can the power of love put together the trust he shattered to pieces?

So, this is how a broken, shattered, obliterated heart feels. I’m breathing, but my heart isn’t feeling, though it’s beating, it feels so empty. This is what lying to my love does…it makes me want to hide in shame. I want to punch myself, wound myself for hurting her. This is why I was opposed to this fucked up plan of Damien’s. I wanted to tell her from the get go; but after Damien convinced me, and weighing the pros and cons, sometimes you have to make the tough decision to achieve the best end result. Not good…not even better, but the best result. I don’t want Roxy to feel that she’s ‘collateral damage’. Roxy is never, was never, will never be collateral damage. My decision was based on shielding her from pain, and that, for me, is the best result.
    Was it right to hide things from her? At the time, it was. Now, in hindsight, fuck if I know. I thought I could control the situation. I wanted to protect her in a controlled way. She just needs to trust me. After what just happened, her trusting me again will be the biggest and hardest hurdle I will ever face in my life.
    Control – how could I have lost it in this situation?
    As everyone converges back in the great room, my eyes zero in on Roxy, who’s sandwiched between Patti and Tami. She’s not looking my way, and I’ll bet my left nut she knows I’m staring at her. Why not your right nut? Do you favor it? What the fuck? I surprise myself sometimes when I think of stupid things to calm my shit down since the one who can obviously calm my nerves is currently ignoring me. My all access pass has turned into all access denied, indefinitely.
    Gunny starts throwing out instructions left and right, and my undivided attention diverts to the man whose mouth is moving. My feelings and my apprehensions about the current status of my relationship are in a holding pattern.
    Gunny starts, “Everyone listen up! As you guys know, John’s double crossing the cartel, giving the FBI all the info they need to execute an arrest. Hopefully, the cartel won’t realize it until it’s too late. Obviously, we didn’t get a tip on what happened tonight, so Plan B starts tomorrow at o six hundred hours. You guys will travel up north to Frisco. Jake and Trish are on their way from Santa Barbara, and they’ll get there before you guys do. Jake found the best OB in Frisco, so everyone will stay there until Trish gives birth. Summer will be picked up en route tomorrow morning. So, pack your stuff up girls. Travel light. Boys make sure all your gear is ready. LT will drive the first car with Summer, luggage, and supplies. Brian will drive the other with Tami, Roxy, and Cody. I’ll be up with Patti in a couple of weeks, but we won’t be staying with you guys. We’ll stay in a nearby hotel.”
    “Wait, what? You want us there for nine months! What’s going to happen to the shop? This is ridiculous! Why didn’t you ask us?” Roxy stands up, and looks at Tami for support.
    Within five seconds, Tami throws in her own question, “Wait!