Read Unmasked for Free Online Page B

myself a
hole and bury myself in it.”
    The barb deflected off him. “This,” he said,
waving his arms around him, “is a world of my own choosing. It is
not a prison others set for me. Can you not see the difference? You
submit yourself to their idea of beauty, then condemn yourself for
failing to achieve that false perfection.”
    “What do you expect? If a woman is berated
for an ugly bonnet, or for sporting an unflattering color, that is
easily remedied. But if she is ridiculed for being heavy, what can
she do? It is like…being punished for the color of the sky.”
    “My point exactly.”
    “What else is there to do?”
    His voice rose. “Rage against it. Refuse to
accept the limitations of civilized society. You can do that
here. The moment you fell into the lagoon, you were baptized into
my world. Here there is no prejudice, no judgment. Where light
defines, darkness liberates.”
    He was right. Here, in this place, to live
among the soiled and smelly vermin is preferable to confronting the
scorn of people. Out there, life was more a burden than a prize.
Liberation. Yes, I desired that. Liberation from my own
solitude.
    “The contempt you feel for yourself is a
palpable thing, and it is between us always. Let it go.”
    Let it go? I was the monster in this
scenario, the one with the deformity which loathed to be touched. I
saw myself as the opera director saw me, as Monsieur Frenet saw me,
as Madame Bouchard saw me.
    Hideous.
    I turned away from him. “How can you ask me
to share my body with you when it’s so…so…” I couldn’t finish.
    His strong, warm hands on my shoulders
offered reassurance. “Release your shame, and it shall release you.
It is the only thing standing in the way of your happiness. And
mine.”
    But in this Erik was wrong. It wasn’t my
shame that kept us apart. It was fear. Although I was apprehensive
about the actual act of sex, it was as nothing to my fear of his
repugnance. What if my body disgusted him? What if I aroused his
charity, but not his ardor? What if his heart really yearned for
Christine? I was drowning in a tumultuous sea of what-ifs.
    “Why are you trembling, chérie? Are you
afraid I will hurt you?”
    “No.”
    “What are you afraid of?”
    I steeled my face, staving off the tears I
knew would come. “Of losing you.”
    He turned me around to face him. “Oh, chérie.
How can you lose me? Do you not trust my love for you?”
    I couldn’t help it; I felt heavier than I
ever had before. Why hadn’t I listened to my Grand-mère? Why hadn’t
I taken care not to eat so much? The millions of taunts I had heard
throughout my life assaulted me all at once, and I buckled under
the weight of them.
    “Yes, but I am gross and misshapen. I cannot
expect such sacrifice from you.”
    I heard him laugh. “Sacrifice? There is no
such thing between us. Your figure, my face – we are both Nature’s
fools. Join with me, chérie, and our love shall avenge us against
the evil that made us outcasts.”
    I let his words wash over me. I so wanted to
believe him. But what we had built thus far together was too
precious to jeopardize. Even if there was a chance of greater
happiness with Erik, I would not take it. I would rather live in a
purgatory of what we had right now than risk a hell without
him.
    “Marry me,” he said.
    Though it did nothing to solve my dilemma,
marrying Erik was the natural response to my heart’s affection. I
said yes.
    In characteristic fashion, Erik made all the
arrangements that very hour. Later that night, we took a carriage
ride to a house in a fashionable district, where we were married by
a magistrate at three o’clock in the morning. I finally got to see
Paris by night, but only briefly; we were back at the opera long
before the sun came up.
    Some may find scandalous the haste and
simplicity of our wedding, but I do not. The truth be told, I did
not often indulge in fantasies about my wedding as most girls do. I
did not expect I should ever