relationship was already done, but now the memory was ruined. Everything changed.
I wanted to fall to my knees and disappear, becoming part of the trees and the grass. What I wanted more than anything was to disappear, to stop living, to stop thinking. I just wanted peace in my heart. But that’s something I would never have.
Two hands grabbed my wrists then gently pulled them down, making me expose my face. I kept my eyes closed, using my last line of defense against his piercing gaze.
“Livia.” His voice was gentle.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted. “I shouldn’t have gotten involved with you. I wasn’t thinking. You were just so wonderful to me and I felt safe…I didn’t want to lose you. I was so selfish. This is all my fault. I never meant to hurt you.”
“Livia.”
I still didn’t open my eyes.
“Look at me.”
“I can’t…you see me differently now. I don’t want to see the disgust on your face. I’m already ashamed.”
The firmness was in his voice. “Look at me.”
I took a deep breath then opened my eyes. My tears blurred my vision but I could still see. His eyes were green, vibrant and strong. The sadness was in the lines of his face. His lips were pressed together tightly. He moved his hands to my cheeks, cradling my face. “I love you, Livia.”
My lung gasped for air. “What…?”
“I love you,” he repeated. “Together or apart, that will never change.”
I remembered the words he texted me weeks ago.
“You know what I see when I look at you? I see the most amazing girl in the world. She has a heart of gold, the fingertips of a master painter, the lips of an angel, and the soul of an exceptional woman. She’s strong even if she doesn’t realize it. She’s beautiful, funny, and wonderful. She’s my best friend, the person I tell everything to. She hates gorillas but loves every other deadly creature in the world. She’s an enigma, a paradox. I can never tell what she’s thinking but I like to guess. She’s the only woman I love, the only person I’ve ever shared my soul with. And that’s exactly what I thought before.”
More tears fell down my face. My lungs burned from the lack of air.
“This doesn’t change the way I feel about you. Nothing could.”
“But you don’t understand…”
“Livia.” His voice was serious. “I’ve known the entire time we’ve been together.”
My heart raced. “What…?”
“Liam and I figured it out. You never take open drinks from anybody. Coupled with your obvious fear of men and hesitance of physical intimacy…I put it together.” He continued to stare at me, the depression heavy in his eyes.
I felt stupid. He knew the whole time? “Why didn’t you say something?”
“I know you, Livia. You would have pushed me away. I wanted you to tell me on your own terms, when you were ready. But I didn’t know it was the reason you didn’t want to be with me…I’m a little hurt you would think something like that would change my love for you.”
“But I’m disgusting—”
“Don’t say that again.” The anger sliced through the air, making me flinch. “Ever.” The threat was in his eyes. “You were the victim of a crime, Livia. That doesn’t make you lose value. It doesn’t change you. It doesn’t make me any less attracted to you.”
“But you don’t know the whole story…”
He didn’t lose his patience. “Some guy took something that didn’t belong to him—something that belongs to me, the man who loves you. That isn’t your fault. Don’t blame yourself. I knew this from the beginning, and it never stopped me from falling head-over-heels in love with you.”
“It wasn’t just one guy…” I hated thinking about it. I hated it.
His face reddened slightly. “What do you mean?” The life left his eyes. His hands left my face, lowering to his sides.
I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling small. “Roofies was put in my drink. I started to get confused…disoriented. I was pulled into a