face everywhere. The clouds of the sky somehow formed his face. Whenever I had a paintbrush in my hand, I drew his face. My artistic inspiration was ruined by his absence.
I couldn’t take this anymore.
Maybe I should just tell him the truth….
But he would be disgusted with me.
He would despise me.
He wouldn’t look at me the same way.
But at least he wouldn’t be in pain anymore. He wouldn’t want me anymore. The problem would be fixed. His heart wouldn’t ache like mine did. He would be able to walk away without any regrets. I could take all the pain, sparing him. Since he was such an incredible guy, he deserved it.
But now I had to tell him…and I really didn’t want to.
I tried to brainstorm what I should say. How should I say it? I hadn’t told anyone what happened on that night six months ago. Not a single soul. Scotty would be the first.
What if he told everyone? What if rumors went around? I would be the poor girl that no one wanted. Everyone would look at me like something was wrong with me. They would judge me. They would think I was weak. They would think I was gross.
But he didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would do that, even after everything I did to him.
With a heavy heart, I left my cave and headed to his place.
His truck was in the driveway so I knew he was home. It took me a half an hour to walk from my car to his doorstep. Then I stood there, shifting my weight back and forth, not sure what to do with myself. My hands shook. My heart worked in overdrive. When I felt lightheaded, I closed my eyes and tried to stay calm.
I stood there for twenty minutes before I finally raised my fist to his door. I took a deep breath then knocked.
Oh god. This was really happening.
I heard his footsteps against the hardwood floor.
He was coming.
Shit, he was coming.
He opened the door then stared at me. His face was unreadable. His jaw was tense, and his eyes were darker than I’d ever seen them. I felt like he loathed me, hated looking at me. He kept one hand on the door while he looked at me. He didn’t speak. His chin was darker than it used to be, like he hadn’t shaved in several days. His normally green eyes were almost brown.
“Hi…”
He clenched his jaw.
“I…I wanted to talk to you.”
Nothing. He didn’t say a damn word.
God, he really did hate me.
He was as still as a statue. He didn’t even blink.
Just do it. Just get it over with . “I wanted to tell you the real reason why I ended…us.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “You were nothing but wonderful to me and you earned the right to know.”
His body tensed visibly.
“I…” I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t force it out of my mouth. The acid burned in my throat just thinking about it. I remembered the way I was held down, the way I was bruised. It made me want to cry, to fall apart and never pick myself up again. How could anyone want me after what happened? I was disgusted with myself. Tears seeped from my eyes and started to fall.
Scotty didn’t comfort me. He just waited, staring me down like I was an opponent in the ring.
“I knew you wouldn’t want me anymore…so I just ended the relationship instead of putting you in an awkward situation. I thought I was doing the right thing, putting you first. I’m just sorry I let it drag on for so long.”
“That didn’t explain anything.” His voice was harsh. The anger seeped through.
I was avoiding the actual words as long as I could. When I said it out loud, it would make it real. It would make it permanent. I couldn’t just put it in the back of my mind and pretend it never happened. Someone else would know, making it immortal. I lost sight of why I was doing this, but I knew he deserved the truth. “I….I was raped.”
I took a deep breath, feeling my warm tears fall down my face. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see him look at me. Any love he had for me would disappear, fading so much that it was never there to begin with. Our