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Haven
    Avery
     
    “I shitted on my life.” Ian sighed.
    He wasn’t as put together as the last time he came to my office. I got the slightest feeling that he’d made an effort to look presentable last week. His hair was disheveled, eyes bloodshot, and a couple days’ worth of growth covered his face.
    “I know Xander probably painted me out as the villain—”
    “ Don’t worry about what Xander talks to me about in his sessions. They have no bearing here. For the next hour, Xander doesn’t exist other than when you mention him,” I stated matter-of-factly.
    “ Before I say anything else, I want you to know that I loved her. I wouldn’t have hurt my brother that way if I didn’t love her.” He scratched his growing beard and slumped in his chair.
    Jessica mu st have been some kind of fantastic. Years later, she was still heavily affecting these men emotionally.
    “ Did you come here for help or to redeem yourself?” I wasn’t interested in being the next woman in between their pissing contest.
    “ Both.” I could deal with that answer. As long as I knew he wanted help, then I’d be there to assist him.
    “ I came here because after that night, I spiraled down into hell, and Xander’s life escalated. I still don’t understand why he’s seeing a psychiatrist when he’s always so aloof about everything.” He hung his head, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck.
    “ Ian?”
    “ Hmm?” he glanced up at me.
    “ Can we talk about you and how you lost control of your life?” He knew I was trying to steer him away from all the Xander remarks, so he went back to why we were really here.
    “ After Jessica died, I blamed myself. I couldn’t move past it. I tried, but shit like that follows you day and night. That night Xander walked in on us, she was supposed to come to my place, but she canceled. We’d argued earlier in the day about her leaving Xander. I should’ve left her alone. I should’ve never gone over there to talk to her.”
    “H ave you ever talked to anyone about Jessica? What happened, how she died?”
    He s hook his head. “My parents were all about Xander. They were so disappointed in me, they barely spoke to me for weeks.”
    “ How’d that make you feel?” Yeah, I used that line.
    “ The way it always made me feel. Despite being older than Xander, I’d never live up to him.”
    “ Was that what you were trying to do? Live up to Xander?” I jotted down a few lines on my notepad as I observed him.
    He s hrugged. “I don’t know. I just always felt like Xander was everything they wanted. It was like they had me, but I was missing something so they had Xander and everything clicked for them. I went to law school and followed in my dad’s footsteps, but it was always about Xander’s scholarships, Xander’s next audition, how Xander’s wife wasn’t good enough for him .”
    “ I’m going to ask you a question, and I need you to answer it in all honesty and know your answer will always stay between us.” I prepped him.
    He nodded.
    “ Were you with Jessica to get back at Xander? Because you knew how much she meant to him?”
    He looked away.
    “ Ian,” I prompted. I didn’t want him to get inside his head and talk himself out of the truth.
    “ Ian…”
    He looked back at me with glassy eyes. “Yes, at first it was, but then it became so much more.”
    I shook my head, understanding. “When did things change?”
    “ Xander had been bringing her around since she was eighteen. I was twenty-one and I was old enough to know when a woman was throwing hints my way.” He ran a hand through his overgrown blond hair.
    “ So she was the aggressor.”
    “ She tried to tempt me with her body, but I was more interested in her heart.”
    “ Her heart?” I looked up at him over my glasses, a little surprised by that answer.
    “ I wanted to take someone Xander loved and make them love me more. It was stupid, but to me, it proved I was as good as he was.”
    I was