with an old wooden floor,
but the place was hopping, and packed to the gill. There
was a band playing toward the right with an area cleared
for dancing. A nice looking guy waved us over and we sat
at the table with him right in front of the guy singing
something about a long black train.
“This is Joel, Riley,” Lauren introduced the guy
and then he kissed her.
I wondered if this was the same guy that had spent
the night with her the weekend before. Another guy joined
us, and she introduced him as Levi. It was nice to put a
face with the voice. We were both brought beers. I took
my wallet from my purse and Levi put his hand over mine.
“You are offending me, put that away,” he
demanded.
I jerked my hand away, not realizing that I did it
with so much conviction.
“Whoa,” he stated, putting both hands in the air.
“Sorry,” I said and noticed the puzzled look on
Lauren’s face over my reaction. “Thank you,” I said and
turned my attention to the singer on stage.
Can someone say…Idiot?
I kept my attention on the stage, not knowing how
to act around people. I felt like such an outsider, and
didn’t know what I should or shouldn’t say. The two men
and Lauren did all of the talking, and although they did try
to include me, it was awkward for me. I was never
allowed to speak when I went out with Drew. He was
afraid that I would embarrass him or myself, so I played
the pretty obedient wife and stood to his side. I noticeably
shook my head, trying to rid the thoughts of my memories
of being in the presence of Drew.
Lauren stood and made me follow her to the
bathroom. There was only one stall in the bathroom, and
we waited outside the door for it to be unoccupied.
“What is your deal, girlfriend?” Lauren asked.
I feigned ignorance. “What do you mean?”
“Haven’t you seen Levi staring at you? He likes
you, and you haven’t even noticed. You’re off in some
other time.”
I groaned. I didn’t want Levi to look at me. I didn’t
want Levi to like me. I didn’t want Levi to do anything. I
wasn’t interested in Levi. “I just don’t think I like being
here very much, Lauren. I have never been to a bar.”
“You’re joking,” she implied as the door opened
and she pulled me in with her.
Lauren dropped her pants and immodestly used the
toilet, holding herself up from sitting on the seat.
“I think I am going to take off. I have to open the
shop in the morning for the first time by myself.”
“Ry, it’s only nine o’clock. You’re just going to go
home and sit by yourself.”
“I’m okay with that,” I assured her, trying not to
look at her squatted on the toilet. I was okay with that. I
was used to spending my time alone.
“You can’t tell me that you don’t think Levi is
cute.”
“Lauren, please don’t try and fix me up with
anyone. I don’t want anyone, okay?” I pleaded.
“Okay. If you really want to go, I will get a ride
with Joel.”
“So, are you going to tell me about Joel? Was he
your company last weekend?” I asked, not wanting to talk
about me and my hang-ups with men at the time.
“I guess we are monogamous. He works on the oil
rigs all week and is only home on the weekends, best kind
of man to have,” she added, teasing.
I didn’t go back to the table with Lauren. She was
giving me an easy out, and I was taking it. She gave me her
keys, and I drove her jalopy of a car back to her house. I
thought my ninety three Honda was bad, that thing was
running on one cylinder.
I didn’t leave the porch light on, not knowing that I
was going to be out past dark. I walked across the road to
my house after parking Lauren’s car, and my heart begun to
beat in rapid thumps again . I hated being frightened all the
time. There is nothing in there, Morgan, I said out loud and
then shook my head at calling myself Morgan. I unlocked
the door and pushed it, standing on the porch, peering in. I
reached my arm
John B. Garvey, Mary Lou Widmer