Read Undercover in High Heels for Free Online Page B

him reassigned back to homicide.”
    “I give up. How do you do that?”
    I shrugged. “Good question.”
    We were sitting on my futon, watching last season’s DVD of Magnolia Lane for inspiration, trying to come up with some way to get Ramirez not only to forgive me, but somehow to put back the HumptyDumpty of his career that I’d shoved off the wall the moment I’d walked into the Cabana Club.
    I watched the screen, digging a hand into my own bag of snacks, Keebler fudge cookies. (As far as I was concerned, anything with the word soy in its name didn’t qualify as a comfort food. And after my encounter with Ramirez, I needed all the chocolate-covered comfort I could get.)
“Ashley, your husband will be home any minute.”
    “Oh, he has no idea about us, the fool. Kiss me, Chad!”
    “No, Ashley, it’s not right. What if he sees?”
    “He’s blind to our love, Chad.”
    “Oh, Ashley, you know I want to. I’ve wanted to since the moment I saw you. It’s just…”
    “What, Chad? What’s wrong?”
    “Oh come on, just kiss her!” Dana yelled at the TV. Then she crunched down hard on a salted soy nut. “Chad is gorgeous. She’s absolutely insane if she doesn’t kiss him. Who wouldn’t want to kiss him? I’d kiss him. In fact, I’d do more than kiss him…”Dana trailed off, mumbling to herself.
“Chad, I’ve never felt this way before.”
    “Me either, Ashley. I swear, I’ve cut every woman’s lawn on Magnolia Lane, but yours—yours is special.”
    “Oh, Chad!”
    “Oh, Ashley!”
    “Oh for the love of God, kiss him already!” Dana threw a soy nut at the TV.
    “Are you okay?” I asked.
    “Yeah. Fine. Great. Why?” She crunched down on another nut.
    “Um, no reason, ” I mumbled.
“Kiss me, Chad. Kiss me like you mean it.”
    Dana leaned forward in her seat.
“I can’t wait another second to do just that, Ashley. Come here…”
    “Wait—what’s that?”
    “It sounds like a car door.”
    “My husband. He’s home!”
    “Argh!” Dana threw the bag of soy nuts down on the carpet as Chad and Ashley broke apart. Ashley stuffed her would-be lover in the closet as her husband came up the stairs and Dana mumbled, “Lousy timing, ” under her breath.
    “Um, so did Therapist Max mention anything about the side effects of abstinence?”
    Dana paused. “Sorry. I’m a little tense lately.”
    “You know, maybe celibacy just isn’t for you.”
    Dana shook her head. “No way. Two more days and I get a chip. I can do this. I am experiencing the joy of positive being as a single, non-physically dependent entity.” She picked the bag up and crunched down hard on another nut.
    “Oh, yeah. I can feel the joy from here.”
    Dana ignored me. “What are you going to do about Ramirez?”
    I blew out a long breath. “I don’t know.” I watched Mia Carletto, aka Ashley, try to convince her husband that the gardener’s boxers really belonged to her.“Maybe I could make it up to him by helping him with his new assignment. He said something about those letters that Mia’s been getting. Threatening fan mail.”
    “Oh, I totally read about that in People last week. She’s, like, got a stalker or something. Ohmigod—lightbulb moment!” Dana popped up off the futon, jostling the soy nuts onto the floor as she started hopping up and down. “We could find the stalker for Ramirez! He’d totally forgive you then.”
    “Dana, Ramirez is a cop. What makes you think we could find a stalker any easier than he could?”
    “Uh, hello?” Dana rolled her eyes. “Ramirez doesn’t even watch Magnolia Lane . We know Mia way better than he does. I mean, come on, you watch Access Hollywood daily.”
    She had a point there. I’ll admit it: I was a celebrity gossip junkie. I religiously watched every single Barbara Walters interview, I never left the house on the night of the Emmys, Oscars, or SAG Awards, and I bought copies of Star and People on the sly every week. I was even known—on very rare