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when his wife was out of town visiting her mother.
    “ ‘I was lying in bed watching some golf on TV when all of a sudden the reception got fuzzy,’ Keaston told reporters. ‘I got up and tried to adjust the set—then the whole house shook as if something heavy had landed on the roof.’
IT AIN’T SANTA CLAUS
    “Moments later, Keaston claims, three pale, slightly built creatures entered the bedroom. When he confronted them, he says, one pointed a cylindrical object at him.
    “ ‘A blue light came out and I felt my body go numb,’ he said. ‘I fell back on the bed.’
    Number of women who believe they’ve been abducted by aliens: 13,528. Number of these women who believe the aliens “kept their underwear”: 1,501.
    “As he watched in disbelief, the aliens explored the room, chattering excitedly, and stopped at the dresser. Then the strange intruders pulled open his wife’s lingerie drawer.
    “ ‘When I saw them pawing my wife’s panties with those long spindly fingers of theirs, I wanted to slug them,’ he says. ‘Then, when they put them on, I almost threw up.’
    “After an ordeal that lasted about 20 minutes, Keaston says the aliens left, taking with them only two items—a black thong and a pair of pantyhose.
    “While initially skeptical, UFO investigators are now taking the odd tale very seriously.
    “ ‘At first this sounded like an instance of sleep paralysis. This happens when you have a vivid dream and somehow become aware that your body is immobile,’ said one UFO expert who’s probing the case.
    “ ‘However, we’ve found physical evidence to support Mr. Keaston’s story: Some of the underwear left behind is radioactive.’ ”

STUDENT BLOOPERS
    Excerpts
from real student essays and quiz answers:
    • On April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assassinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.
    • George Washington married Martha Curtis and in due time became the Father of Our Country. The Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.
    • One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put tacks in their tea.
    • Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miquel Cervantes. He wrote
Donkey Hote.
The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote
Paradise Lost.
Then his wife died and he wrote
Paradise Regained.

IT’S ABOUT TIME
    It flows like a river, it flies when you’re having fun, and it waits for no man… but what do we really know about time? Read on to find out.
W HO INVENTED DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME?
    Ben Franklin did. In 1784 he wrote an essay suggesting that setting clocks ahead in the spring and behind in the fall would be a wise idea because it would save expensive candles. But the idea wasn’t taken seriously until 1907 when a British builder named William Willett was riding through the countryside early one morning and noticed that in spite of the full daylight, all the cottages’ curtains were still drawn. It was a waste of daylight, he thought, and he wrote a pamphlet advocating that the nation set its clocks ahead by 20-minute increments on each of the four Sundays in April, and set them back on the four Sundays in October. A bill introduced in Parliament in 1909 was roundly ridiculed, but the advent of World War I brought a dire need to conserve coal, so the British Summer Time Act was passed in 1916. It set the time ahead one hour in the spring and back one hour in the fall.
    The United States followed suit and enacted Daylight Saving Time in 1918 to conserve fuel for the war effort, but the measure was so unpopular that it was repealed in 1919. It was reinstated during World War II, again to conserve fuel, but when the war ended, some localities opted to continue observing it and some didn’t. And those that did