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knew there had to be something else going on. His cellphone rang all hours of the night. And his wallet stayed so fat all the time! I always suspected it wasn’t legal, whatever he was into. I guess that’s why I never nagged him about it, ’cause I didn’t want to know the truth.
    “One night not long after I moved in with him, Eddie stepped out to buy a pack of cigarettes. While he was gone I heard a knock at the door. There was this strung-out-looking skank standing on our front porch. She pulled a wad of cash out of her bra, asked me to tell Eddie how sorry she was for being late with it, promised it’d never happen again.
    “Of course, I confronted him about it when he got home. Turned into this huge fight. But Eddie finally came clean about everything...
    “He was a drug dealer. And a pimp. Smalltime stuff, mostly. Weed, pills, crystal meth. Sherrie was one of his whores, worked the truck stops off I-26 outside of town. That’s where he moved most of his crank, too—long-haul drivers call it ‘high speed chicken feed,’ use it to stay awake on the road.
    “Even after I found out all that shit, I didn’t break it off with him. I rationalized my staying with Eddie by telling myself that he was good to me. Far as I knew, he didn’t screw around. Sure, he sold drugs, thought he was some kinda redneck mack-daddy with those sluts he had working for him, but he treated me right. It was like, once I got mixed up with him, I turned into that stupid teenager I used to be all over again.
    “Earlier this summer, even though a little voice inside my head kept telling me it was a bad idea, I decided Sophie should come live with us. Of course, Aunt Patty was against it. We had a big falling-out the day I loaded up Sophie’s stuff in Eddie’s truck. She said I had never been responsible before, so what made me think I could start now. She begged Sophie not to go. Even threatened to take me to court, but nothing ever came of that.
    “I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. I guess I hoped...I might be able to change Eddie. If I could get him to make an honest living, maybe we could be a happy family. I know it was stupid. But Sophie seemed to like Eddie a lot, and although a guy like Eddie could never be the ‘father figure’ type, he thought she was okay too. A few weeks before...what happened...he took her out for her birthday, got her a tattoo. Shoulda been illegal considering she’s a minor, but Eddie knew people. He always knew people . It was this tiny thing, a yin-yang symbol on her ankle, but we fought about that for days. Of course, any time I tried to talk to him about the other stuff, about the dealing and the pimping, he accused me of nagging. He asked me why couldn’t I be happy, when he took care of me and Sophie and we didn’t have to worry about a thing. He’d ball up his fists like he wanted to hit me. He never did lay a hand on me. But when we argued...Eddie always looked like he was so full of anger it was bubbling up inside of him just waiting to blow. Sometimes he reminded me of this frightened little boy, constantly looking over his shoulder like a monster was gonna come gobble him up.
    “I guess whatever he was afraid of, whatever filled Eddie with that rage...it finally caught up with him.
    “After Sophie moved in with us, I decided to go back to work. I didn’t want to rely on Eddie’s dirty money anymore. I got a job waiting tables at a bar just over the county line. It wasn’t the classiest job ever, didn’t bring in half the dough Eddie was carrying home night after night, but ya know what? At least I could look my daughter in the face and give her an honest answer when she asked me what I did for a living. In the meantime, I kept praying that I’d be a good influence on Eddie. That he would want to do the right thing, for Sophie and me. But he never got the chance...
    “It happened three weeks ago. Another girl had called in sick and I was the only one working the floor