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easier for both of us if you just stop fighting,” he says through gritted teeth.
                  His words reach me, into my sludge filled brain and heavy heart and I know he’s right. When I stopped fighting Mom, life got easier. When I stopped trying to pretend like I was better than her, than us, everything stopped hurting. Maybe this is just part of what I deserve. Part of the life I was given.
                  When Danny pushes me into the room and slams the door closed, letting go of me for just a little, I stand there, still as a board. When he throws me onto the bed and pulls my dress up, the only movement from my body are the tears falling down my temples, into my hair, wetting the bed. The only thought I have is that I would give anything, anything , to be numb.
                  “Good girl,” he says as he pushes into me.

9
    August 14, 2005
                  Danny fixes my dress and smoothes my hair before placing a rough kiss to my temple. “You were willing, right Lo?”
                  I don’t say anything, just nod. I’m afraid to speak because the need to cry is so strong that opening my mouth will let out a flood I won’t be able to stop. And I’ll be damned if I cry in front of Danny.
                  “Good girl,” he hisses into my ear.
                  Then we walk out of the room, his arm around my shoulders. It’s heavy, like it’s bonding to my skin, creating a barrier around me that keeps everyone away. The party’s still going, the music loud and the voices louder, even though it’s gotta be almost three in the morning. My eyes dart from person to person, searching for blonde hair, but I don’t see Sam anywhere. I don’t know where she could be and all I want is to find her and go home and never, ever-
    “Has anyone seen Lo?!” I hear Sam scream, and then I see her pushing through the crowd, knocking girls over and not caring that they send dirty looks her way.
                  I go to move towards her but Danny tightens his grip on me, not enough that anyone notices he’s holding me against my will, but enough to let me know that I’m not going anywhere. “Let her come here,” he orders, and I listen, because what else can I do? Fight him? Cause a scene? He’s so much stronger than me and there are so many worse things he can do to me if I disobey.
                  Sam finally reaches us and stops in her tracks, her eyes darting from my face to the arm around my shoulders. “You fucking bastard!” she screams as she charges Danny. “What are you doing touching her?” Her tiny little hands push into his chest but he barely moves, only laughs at her attempts to manhandle him.
                  And then he turns to me, slides the tip of his nose along the side of my neck. “She wants me touching her. Right, Lo?” His eyes meet mine and hold them, daring me to deny what he’s saying. I get it. I understand what all of this means. I’m his now.
    “It’s fine, Sam, ” I say as I drop my eyes to the ground. If Sam looks into them, she’ll see the tears, the fear, how Danny just broke me and there’s no going back.
                  Sam takes a step closer. “The hell it is! Lo, what are you doing ?” she asks me, sounding a little desperate. It hurts my heart because she knows how much I hate Danny, but the cards have been dealt and I’m stuck with this hand. I know that now.
    Taking a deep breath, I meet her worried eyes. Slide my arms around Danny’s waist and hold down the urge to throw up in his face. “It’s fine , Sam.”
                  She looks at both of us, her eyes going back and forth, back and forth, trying to understand but obviously not getting it. Finally she lets out a huff and throws her hands up in the air. “Whatever. Are you ready to get out of here?”
                  “Yeah,” I say calmly,