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with. When I am
    unsure of a course of action, I can rely on my fellow gesithas
    (the oathed members of my inhíred) to give honest but gentle
    advice. When one of us needs help, the rest of us are there for him or her. We celebrate a húsel together every month, and
    gather for holiday celebrations like any other family.
    Because the tribe can become so very important in your
    life, it is equally important that you find the right people to enter into such a relationship with. This is where the element
    of chance comes in. As with finding a life partner, finding
    your folk is not a simple matter of looking through the Yel-
    low Pages.
    It can be tempting to join the first group you encounter,
    especially if you have been looking for other like minded peo-
    ple for a long time. Before agreeing to join with any Pagan
    group, you should ask yourself the following questions:
    • Does the group share your personal world view? If not,
    how far are you willing to compromise your spiritual
    identity? What connects you to this tribe?
    • What are the tribe’s expectations of its members? Are
    these expectations clearly defined?
    • What is required to leave the tribe if you later choose to
    do so? If a membership oath is involved, is there a pro-
    vision in the oath allowing you to leave the group hon-
    orably? (The wording of some oaths do not require this,
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    seven steps to a new way of living
    but be sure that you understand exactly what you are
    promising.)
    • Does the group or its leaders take an undue interest in
    recruiting new members? This should raise a red flag.
    Pagan groups do not normally recruit.
    • Do the other members of the group share a lifestyle
    compatible with your own? If you are a single and in
    your twenties, you may not fit well with a group com-
    prised of retired couples. Or maybe you would, but it is
    a factor to consider.
    If you are not completely satisfied with the answers to
    any of these questions, it is better to wait until you have
    found a group that you are sure of. An inhíred or demos or
    coven is not, or should not be, merely a social club. Member-
    ship in the group is an emotional contract that you should
    not enter into lightly.
    This is why there is an element of chance. With the first
    six steps that I have outlined, you have complete control. You
    decide to take those actions. You do not have complete con-
    trol over this seventh step. So while I have said “find your
    folk”, it may be more accurate to describe this as leaving
    yourself open to finding your folk. To some extent, the pro-
    cess is in the hands of the gods.
    I should add here that these tribes can and do sometimes
    overlap. It is never a good idea to “collect” covens or kin-
    dreds, but a Pagan may belong to more than one tribe when
    the groups have different objectives and non-conflicting sched-
    ules. The oathed members of my inhíred are all Saxon Pagans.
    We honor the same gods and share similar values. However I
    also belong to an Ár nDraíocht Féin grove. The grove’s pur-
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    seven steps to a new way of living
    pose is to foster spiritual community in our immediate area.
    Not everyone in my inhíred belongs to the grove. Converse-
    ly, members of my grove do not have to be Saxon Pagans.
    These are two separate tribes, with different parameters and
    objectives. However it is not a good idea to belong to two
    groups with similar objectives—two Wiccan covens, for exam-
    ple—because there will almost inevitably be competition for
    your time and energy. This is another reason you should only
    become a member of a group that you are completely com-
    fortable with. Once you have your tribe you cannot reasonably
    participate in other groups of the same type.
    *
    Now you have read about all seven steps. How many of these
    have you taken? If the answer is “none”, go back now and
    start with Step 1. Rather than simply reading about Pagan-
    ism, take that first step and begin to walk the