Read To the Steadfast for Free Online

sits on the bed next
to me and places five of the pills in my hand. “Get high with me. It’ll take
the pain away. I promise.”
    It’s a tempting offer.
I drink to feel free, but can I take the pills to forget the things I do when I
drink?
    Only once, why not?
    I take a few pills and
put them in my mouth. I walk into the bathroom and put my mouth under the
faucet and swallow. When I return to the bedroom, Mischa is already crushing
the remaining pills on the dresser with a credit card. He rolls up a dollar
bill and snorts a line. When he’s finished, he hands me the dollar.
    “You’ll feel it faster
this way.”
    What the hell, I’ve
already gone this far. I bend down and try to mimic the moves I saw him do just
moments ago.
    He moves behind me, his
hands traveling down my arms to position me in just the right way.
    “Harder,” he whispers.
    I try not to laugh, but
eventually I’m able to get most of the powder up my nose. I expect it to burn,
but my muscles relax as a bitter taste runs down my throat and numbs my tongue.
I lean against the wall, enjoying it.
    “Do you feel it?” he
whispers in my ear. He licks his finger and picks up the rest of the powder. He
sticks his finger in my mouth, filling me with a mixture of sweetness and
bitterness.
    I nod, letting my body
relax, as he slowly pulls his finger from my mouth with a pop. The pressure I
carry everyday loosens its grip on my throat, and I can breathe. I feel happy.
Unable to find the words to describe my body, I turn around and press my lips
against his. Tingling shoots through my frame at the impact. His lips are soft,
full, and exactly as I imagined. It’s gentle at first, but after the waters are
tested, it becomes frantic, needy.
    He doesn’t push me
away, but grabs the back of my neck and draws me closer.
    “This is so wrong,” he
groans in between kisses. I don’t reply but relish in the way he tastes, the
saltiness of his skin, the sweetness of his breath.
    “I want you,” I mumble
against his skin. “I want you to be my first.”
    I’m so sick of hoarding
this virginity. I just want to get it over with, and I’d always imagined it
would be with him.
    He stiffens under my
touch. “I can’t.”
    “Please. I want it to
be with someone I care about, and I’ve always cared about you. Don’t you care
about me?”
     We shuffle over to the
bed and he pushes me back. I wrap my legs around his hips as he takes off his
shirt. Pressing against the bulge in his jeans, I close my eyes and wait for
him. For a moment, he moves away from me. It’s followed by the sound of a
zipper and shuffling as he loses the rest of his clothes. I wiggle out of my
pants and blouse.
    “Do you have
protection?” I ask, opening my eyes and admiring his tanned skin. His muscles
flex involuntarily across his smooth chest. Every inch of him is beautiful.
Every part of him is perfection.
     
    “I do.” He fumbles with
the pocket of his jeans while I tuck his hair behind his ears. I’m vaguely
aware of the next few seconds, but the next thing I know, Mischa is on top of
me and we’re at the head of the bed. Sweat trickles down my temple as I try and
comprehend everything that’s going on. Fear, anxiety, excitement, lust.
    “Is this okay?” He
kisses my collarbone and pushes against my tight entrance.
    “Ow, ow.” I scoot up
the bed to stop him, suddenly scared. “Is it supposed to hurt like that?”
    “We can stop. Just say
the words.”
    I close my eyes and take
a deep breath, preparing myself. My muscles are relaxed, but my mind isn’t.
“Don’t stop.”
    “Does this feel good?”
He follows the question up by leaning down and sucking on my right nipple. My
back arches, and I let out a loud moan. His tongue is hot against my skin. It
teases and laps against me. I melt against the bed as he lets it pop out of his
mouth.
    Using my legs, I pull
his hips down against me. I need him, want him inside of me.
    “Not yet, Cody. I’ve
been thinking about this